September 15, 2007

ALPINE LAKE, WV — Greg Long, the 8-year member of Golfapalooza, continued to release smidges of his new book, “Memories: How I lived Golfapalooza”, which is due out to book stores in a couple of weeks. Long, a.k.a. Slick, was asked to walk through Chapter 6, which is titled, “The Back Nine” as it provides his insights of how to play the Ron Forse par 72 golf course.

"This is a four putt waiting to happen regardless of pin placement," says Long of the very short uphill par 4. It plays the shortest on the course and Forse has placed 'out of bounds' about 5 yards behind the green and 'out of bounds' pin high to the left of the green. That is stroke and distance for loozers playing by the rules and penal beyond penal.

The stroke and distance actually helps fellow loozers because they never need to chip from behind the green.

You need something around 200 yards off the tee so you can see the pin on your approach. Your only goal remaining is to get the ball on the green and keep your ball on the green. You must be shooting uphill and never downhill regardless of shot. Downhill shots are worse than jail. Uphill shots are heaven. The 4th green is fastly catching the 13th for unfair, but this one is as tricky as they get in Terra Alta.

Your first putt is critical. Forget about making the putt because inside of 5 feet of the hole is magnificent. You need to get your ball to stop below the hole and inside 8 feet. Getting aggressive on the putting surface here is childish behavior. Be patient and mature. A ball above the hole is equal to the lateral hazard. That's right. Add a stroke.

There are two lasting memories of the 13th hole. The first was Dosky is in the deepest bunker on the golf course. It is greenside and nobody can see him as we stand on the green waiting for some type of loop shot to come over the hillside.

A ball comes rocketing over the hillside with an 'oops'. It is immediately known the ball has no hopes of being 30 yards inbounds. My head turns from 90 degrees left to 90 degrees right lightening quick as I try to follow the path of the ball. The ball slams into the house behind the green. There is a painter on a ladder with his arm extended and paint brush in hand. The ball hits between his right ear and paint brush. It is one of those moments that you see something bad happening and hoping for the best. The guy turns around with a smile. That ball was 4 inches from legendary.

The second lasting memory is five years ago. Blankenburg, Bartlett, Pedro, and I are coming through the turn at the clubhouse. Farmer Fran comes out of the clubhouse and tells us, 'Your guys need to get moving. The members are disgusted with the pace of play seen on the back nine. Look at them up on the hill,' as Farmer Fran pointed across Alpine Lake at the 13th hole. 'They are just standing around up there goofing around on the green.'

We turn and look up on the hill and see 10 loozers standing on or around the 13th green. I said, 'The pace of play is pretty bad, but they won't listen to me. Nobody does. If I were you, I would go up there and give them hell. You can tell them Slick is pissed.'

Farmer Fran jumps in a cart and comes back 10 minutes later. We have moved to Hole 11. Fran returns at the highest speed using the cart path. He zooms by us without a look or word. He heads directly up the hill towards the 18th tee and clubhouse.

I get to the 12th hole and half the tournament field is standing around or playing the 13th hole. Butter Flanagan is laughing so hard I can hear through the wind from the tee box. We play the 12th and I head up to the 13th green to see what the heck is going on. Paco has placed the hole in a location where a 20-footer must be made from the fringe or the ball comes back to your feet. This is not probable, but without exception.

Turns out, Pat Boland had a pretty nice argument after Farmer Fran accused him of holding up play. Boland reportedly turned red with rage when Farmer Fran asked them to pick up and take a double par.

Golfers were taking 13, 16, 25 strokes on the 13th hole. That probably sounds pointless and stupid, but it was extremely funny. Jason Watson and Sheiker were partners in the 2-man Scramble. They got very lucky and parred the hole. They used up all of their luck because they finished 10-over 46 on the back nine.

For what it's worth, Bartlett and I shot 14-over 86 with 16 strokes at the 13th hole. I remember seeing Farmer Fran and Paco with the hole cutter as we teed the 15th hole. They were moving the hole."