January 29, 2003

PITTSBURGH, PA — At a morning press conference today it was announced that the Wilson house at Alpine Lake will once again be used to lodge the participants of GVII. Butter Flanagan was grinning from ear to ear when he delivered the news. "It's a rare facility that will let you bring your own fountain Coke dispenser along with providing two fireplaces where we can burn anything that's not nailed to the floor. I am very pleased that the Wilson house was available for a fifth consecutive year. I just hope they've fixed the damn phone!"

GVI Sam Gash Award winner and Founding Father Gus Sokos was next to step to the podium. With a look of disgust on his face, Gus went on to tell the assembled audience that new entertainment may have to be lined up for this year's event. "I was talking to the sister of one of last year's entertainers at work a couple weeks ago and she told me that her sister was no longer in the entertainment business. Apparently her boyfriend didn't want her to be an entertainer anymore. I'm not giving up just yet. We all know how these people are; there's not many professions where she can make the kind of cash she earned from us last year in that amount of time. I'm going to wait a few months and give her a call. At worst, she owes me a referral to someone who can fill her shoes."

With only two months before the first letter is mailed out to prospective Loozers, it's time to get those clubs regripped, new spikes for the shoes and for Brent to finally wash the red shorts.