Golf Clubs

Golf Balls - How many? Check how many MELC points you get for a par and multiply that by 3.

Clothes - pack for possible temperatures ranging from 40 up to 90.

Alcohol - bring as much as you need to act stupid for 3 or 4 days. If you are bringing extra, I like Coors Light, Jaeger and Jose Cuervo. Bud Light and Captain Morgan are also good choices. Knob Creek is evil. 2009 UPDATE: BRING RUM OR VODKA OR WHATEVER ELSE MIGHT GO WELL IN THE WOO WOO MACHINE.

Cooler - big enough to hold all of your alcohol. Although if you forget to bring it or don't have room, don't worry. You can share with JT, whose cooler can hold 700 longneck bottles or 850 cans of beer, with plenty of room to spare for ice.

Cash - enough for poker, cornhole calcutta auction, miscellaneous betting and food/drinks at the turn. If you are a poker player, you should count on needing about $100 for each 12-pack of beer or pint of whiskey you bring. Count double if the whiskey is Knob.

Tobacco - if you only bring enough for yourself, you'll be out before Friday morning. Plan to give away at least 2 packs or 2 cans to Loozers who claim to never smoke/chew; and they'll claim it right to your face while they're mooching it from you.

Cornhole sets - new bags are reasonably priced at Cornhole.com. If you only have 8 old lumps of poop that won't even slide on JT's 'ice rink' boards, just save the space in your car and leave the set at home.

Movies - 22 hours per day are reserved for porn on the dvd player so bring all you got. We've also managed to bargain with the porn committee for two hours a day to be devoted to comedy classics, which in the past has included movies starring Jim Carrey, Adam Sandler, Chris Farley, Vince Vaughn, Will Ferrell, Ben Stiller, Luke/Owen Wilson, Steve Carrell and Rodney Dangerfield. Also included have been stand-up routines by Eddie Murphy, Dave Chappelle and Andrew Dice Clay. Given these past selections, bring anything you believe might fit in.

Gifts of Food or Merchandise - Bribes are totally welcome at Golfapalooza, even encouraged, and you can improve your chances of winning the highly coveted Most Valuable Loozer and Rookie of the Year Awards by bringing stuff for either the entire field of participants or just influential members of the award selection committee. Great ideas include: tshirts, koozies, coolers, golf novelty gifts, crab cakes, lobsters, Scoops-n-Dip, Max Dieterle, DiCarlos pizza and strippers.

iPods/Speakers/Not the cheapest iPod batteries on the Walmart shelf/Non-gay Music - Once you've played golf with an iPod in your foursome, your golf game will never be the same again.

Advil/Ibuprofin - at least 16 per day, plus another 16 per day for all the idiots who forgot to bring any.

Toothpaste and Soap/Shampoo - bring a regular-sized tube or bottle because the three people sharing your bathroom, who forgot to bring any at all, will use up all of your travel-sized ones on the first day.

Steak Knives - anyone willing to donate a cheap set to add to the whopping total of zero steak knives at the cabin would be looked on very favorably.

Poker/Blackjack Accessories - pretty much covered by Founding Fathers and other lifers, bring any exceptionally cool stuff you have.

Extra Junk Food - Sheiker does an awesome job but we can all stand to get just a little fatter before we leave on Sunday morning.

Other Miscellaneous - If its something that would make a group of drunk guys laugh, bring it.