March 16, 2006

VIRGINIA BEACH, VA — A report based out of SNNVB this morning has shocked members of the Captains Club and could be leaving the Virtual Tournament in a steroid-like controversy. A source close to the Spackler rules committee has learned a player in the field is going to be indited on score tampering. Not just a rookie, but a 2nd year member. A separate rumor from a concerned friend has also surfaced surrounding the strong possibility that Jay Glover cannot count.

"I know Jay. He is a good guy and these allegations are simply not true," says the unidentified friend.

Jason Watson left work on Tuesday to make a quick trip to speak with the sources and maybe even track down the Glover.

"The pencil is obviously the best club in the bag," says rules advisor Jason Watson. "I hope these reports are not true. Shaving is an art. There really is no art to it if you get caught."

Watson shared some of the rumors and strategies that has Glover under a huge negative spotlight. "He is so smooth about it," says one unindentified source. "Just when you play the worst hole of the day, he leans over the cart wheel in disbelief and says, "Are you serious? You must have been in the woods when I hit that 220-yard 5-iron on the green." He is a veteran and realizes golfers cannot remember that many strokes, especially if they're wrapped up in their own big number."

Another source indicated another slick move. "He conveniently forgets to mark scores down for several holes and plays it off as "the innocent and common mistake". That is when he attacks the scorecard with a bogey instead of a double bogey."

Watson looked even further for motive. Glover is presently coping with an extreme slice in early 2006 and image is everything to him. The problem was evident as he most likely shaved his way to 100 strokes last weekend at Riverfront Golf Club.

Jason asked one source about whether he improves his lie. "No. Jay would think that was cheesy. He is much too good at what he does to play the fluff game. A good shaver is no dummy."

The last source close to the scandal said, "He just hates writing anything higher than bogey on his scorecard. He is a competitor and cares very much about his image. He is not going to be viewed as a hacker outside his foursome."

The tournament officials plan to envoke a detailed and expanded investigation into the play of Jay Glover. Jason Watson believes he will fit in nicely with Ridgeway, Zabonik and Slick in Clayton. The true game will be exposed in a foursome like that.

The 2006 Virtual Tournament is midway through its 3rd month of competition. Scott Zavinski continues to hold an unimpressive lead.