March 27, 2006

ROCKY MOUNT, NC — In a press conference held this morning from the 2006 Open Championship headquarters in Rocky Mount, NC, SNN is broadcasting an statement to be delivered from this year's tournament organizer, Jay Myers.  His is to be providing some insight on what it is like to coordinate this year's event.

Myers:  Ever wonder what it takes to put together a tournament like this?  Some of you probably think you do.  I used to think I knew.

Let me let you in on a little secret…for the most part, it isn’t that bad.  The hardest part is dealing with these voices in my head.  Let me bring up these voices and show you what my typical day was like while setting up this thing.

Greg, Kevin, and Matt please come to the front.  I’ve prepared some lines for you gents so please, just play along.

Props: Kevin: pitch fork and horns Greg: white sheet and halo Davis: Beer can

Myers: Well, it looks like the course is set.  The hotel is pretty much done.  I’ve just got to finalize the Awards Dinner then follow up with Kevin on the beer and the pairings.

Greg: Myers!  (Pause)  How do you expect me to do the Awards Ceremony with people milling about?  How do you expect people to hear me over a drunk Davis and Kev without a microphone?

Kev: Forget him.  He’ll just have to deal with it.  

Davis: Myers.  I want DOUBLE MEAT!

Myers: Okay, well I guess I’d better find another place for the awards ceremony.  Hey, Kev!  How are you coming with the beer?

Kev: I was thinking about getting kegs for the course.  We can hook them up to the beer carts and just fill up when the cart comes around.

Greg: Are you kidding me?  This is coming from the guy that doesn’t think we need transportation to and from the course. Why would someone like Kev want to narrow down the selection? That's right. Nobody else matters.

Davis: DOUBLE MEAT AND KEGS?!  HELL YA!

Greg: Aren’t you tired of him disrespecting you?  He acts like he is your kid.

Kev: Aren’t you tired of him lecturing you?  He thinks he is your daddy.

Davis: I’m going to get WASTED!

Myers: Okay, looks like Creighton has secured us a “Party Bus”.  It is going to be awesome.  We can get safe and comparatively cheap transportation to and from the course each day.  Plus, we can drink all the beer we supply while on board.

Greg: That is great Myers.  This way the Captains Club cannot be sued for someone being too intoxicated and driving.  Now you don’t have to worry about going to jail!

Kev: Party Bus?  I was just planning on riding in Davis’ car.  Who needs a bus?

Davis: Did someone say Party Bus?  Drinking all the way to the course?  I’m there.  Awesome!  Will they have any DOUBLE MEAT on board?

Myers: No Matt, sorry, no double meat.  Kev…apparently Matt is riding.  Do you want to ride on this thing?  It is like a frat party on wheels.

Kev: I’ve looked at their website…I’m riding.  I just want my picture taken on the bus.

Greg: Make sure he is in the back.  I’m going to be in the front and want to be the first one off.

Davis: I’m going to get WASTED!