May 11, 2006

CLAYTON, NC — The rumors have been circulating for weeks. The rumbling started shortly after the scores were posted for the April 9th round played by Captains Club members Jay Myers, Kevin Long, Jr., and Matt Davis.  

“I heard the comments in the locker rooms, “Did you see Hevy’s back-nine stats?””, stated a somber Long.  Let me tell you now, that wasn’t me playing, it was the “Jumbo”. Jumbos are the lasted addition to the Neuse’s clubhouse drink menu. “I would compare it to the Foster’s Oil Can but a bit smaller. However, it will kick you in the head like an angry jackass”, clarified Davis.

Long was so bad on the back that even a hacker like Myers was able to beat him with ease. “I couldn’t believe it at first but when Davis finished tabulating the scorecard, and I started to laugh, Kev just looked at me with this glassy-eyed gaze. He was far, far away”.

Hevy had two birds at the Neuse. What did that net him? A whopping 109. “Unheard of” were the only words Senior Pro Michael Sullivan could mutter.  His second bird on the signature hole (number 14) is neatly sandwiched in between the previous two quadruple bogeys and followed by a quintuple bogey and another two quads. Apparently Kevin had no breakfast, a hot dog at the turn and a six pack of Jumbos. “That is enough to put down a young elephant”, stated Sullivan.

“The key to good golf is standing”, were the most memorable words spoken by an influenced Long. Wise words indeed, words to remember in June. The Jumbo is recommended by all the members of the Captains Club. However, spokesperson Matt Davis warned, “Moderation is suggested when you are on the course until the last few holes. These cans are like little Lamborghinis; they go from zero to sixty faster then anything I’ve ever experienced”.