May 26, 2006

COLUMBUS, OH — While the Captains Club finalizes preparation for its 6th Major Championship, a group of similar questions regarding tournament handicapping came to the business office over the past weeks resulting in an impromptu news conference to clear things up. Greg Long (i.e. Slick), Chairman of the Club, led the conference.

"Good Afternoon. My secretary put 7 post-it notes on my desk regarding handicapping questions," Long said. "I would like to clear things up."

Long continued, "Our 6th Major Championship will be scored just like the 1st back in 2001. We will be using points and each golfer will have their own set of points. The goal is to statistically distribute points to all golfers so they can shoot 34 or 35 points per round. I am extremely confident that is happening. The Point Leaderboards look very similar to the USGA Leaderboards online.

I should add that golfers with a handicap of 14 or better have a different target of 36 or 37 points. Golfers with a handicap of 4 or better are targeted at 38 or 39 points. It is much easier for David Neill to improve than Marty Zabonik.

Each golfer in this grand event has two sets of points. One set was distributed on January 1 for the 2006 Virtual Tournament. Those should not be confused with our little get-together in Clayton. Virtual Tournament handicaps will remain the same until January 1 and determine the most improved golfer of the year. Presently, that is Scott Zavinski due to multiple professional golf lessons and 72 practice rounds this winter.

Under the event section of the website is a link labeled "Handicaps". This is where players attending our 6th Major Championship can find their points. The purpose of our event is to determine the worst and best golfer using only 3 tournament rounds based on real-time handicaps. We do not update the season-long virtual tournament handicaps, but insert another set to measure our golf trip.

Are there any questions?"

A unnamed reporter asked, "Is Matt Davis going to call for a point review due to his hand being sliced up last winter?"

Slick replied, "I doubt it. Poststats has instituted a health setback date in all profiles of all participants. This was inserted by Poststats.com to ignore entered scorecards prior to major surgerys, heart attacks and snow blower accidents. The handicap system calculates only scorecards after the designated date. Matt Davis is using the honor system and filled his out online. He should be ready to go with 4 points for par."

Jay Glover of Virginia Beach conference called in, "When are points set for the tournament?" Slick replied, "When are you playing your last round before the tournament?" Jay answered, "I do not know." Slick replied, "Your points are updated after every round entered. It is done automatically with Poststats.com Scorecard Entry process. The cutoff is probably a few days before the tournament."

Glover replied, "There are 5 or 6 sets of points that will give me 34 or 35 points. Can I pick?" Slick replied, "Nope. The system distributes using priority. Each set of points has a priority. You can see that in the left column of your handicap analyzer."

Lacey Underall stepped in the room. Can my buddy Ravinder Bakshi seriously win this tournament with 1 point for par and 5 points for birdie?" Slick replied, "Lacey. You are looking really good today. I really like your blouse." [Pause] "Back to your question... If Ravi shoots his worst 3 rounds of the year like he did last year, he will not place well. He might be dressed in an outfit. That goes for Ridgeway and Zabonik. I was quite disappointed with all of them in Pottsville. Five points for birdie may seem impossible for victory, but lets keep things in a statistical perspective.

Ravinder Bakshi is presently averaging 2.8 birdies per round. Our present Champion, Rick Dosky, is averaging 0.4 pars per round and 2.3 bogeys per round. Our CEO Jeremy Myers is averaging 1.4 pars and Jason Watson is averaging 1.7 pars per round. My money is on Bakshi with wider fairways and much truer greens this year. This tournament is over on Thursday if Bakshi gets 2 points for par or 7 points for birdie. I would bet my life on that.

I will take one more question."

Another reporter asked, "Do you have a favorite?" Slick replied, "To the best of my knowledge, we have never had a drunk champion or a sober person wearing the Carl Spackler Outfit.

Glenn Hoffert and Mike Davis have folded like lawn chairs for 3 years in a row. Mr. Al Czverik owns the Crapper Award for a reason. He must stop, drop everything and complete revamp another game plan. I recommend a game face as a start. I had my suspicions last year at Maroon's when he appeared to be ready for a lap dance instead of a war. Mike Davis has the 4th best handicap in the field. He shot 50 on the front nine in 2004 and shot 100 at least once last year. Sounds like someone cannot handle pressure of a major championship.

As far as the jacket... Golfers need to bring their 'A' game or make a physical swing adjustment on Wednesday morning. Our Champion Rick Dosky can speak to quick adjustments on the range and the impact of those adjustments with his first jacket at Mountain Valley. Outside of those heavy Outfit risks, I would guess 40 guys can put together one great round, however do not have a swing that will not hold up for 54 holes. Another 40 will not be sober enough during all 3 rounds. Eliminate another 35 guys based on the mental requirements. That leaves 5 or 6 guys with a real chance.

Can anyone just shoot 3 birdies during the final round like our 2004 Champion Steve Hoden? Probably Mr. Woods. Can anyone predict that Rick Dosky would shoot 15-over par on the Mountain Valley Pine course? That is like Reggie Bush rushing for 2,500 yards this year. By the way, I heard Boland is charging this year for last minute swing adjustments. He wants half the purse.

Watkeys wore the Outfit in 2004 after going a full year without playing and skipping the practice round. Chris Lashley, Chad Long, Scott Mealey, Grady Walters and Jeremy Myers show very similar patterns. At least Myers and Walters played once at The Neuse and attending the practice round.

One thing is for sure. If Mike Herron shows up with a 13 handicap and cannot break 100 like last year, nobody needs to worry about the Outfits. I have gotta go."