October 26, 2006

VIRGINIA BEACH, VA — Trent Cooper is having a disasterous season. A disaster in comparison when measured against buddy Jean Dore. Something is definitely in the water around Virginia Beach and Kevin Long is not drinking it.

"Dore is pulling my game down," said Cooper on the final hole after throwing his putter off the green and across the clubhouse parking lot. "I never play this bad and this course sucks." Cooper started walking towards to the parking lot to retrieve his putter yelling, "I hate this course! I am pissed!"

Cooper opened the season with a 10.3 USGA Handicap Index. He has pushed his handicap upward an astounding 3.8 strokes per round to 14.1. The latest disaster of 13 points is a career worst in terms of his 62-round Spackler history.

The round was also adjusted using par and USGA ratings to achieve 24.7-over par, which is also the largest disaster in his personal record book.

Cooper carded 7 double-bogeys and 7 bogeys. He scored just 3 pars and zero birdies before his debacle at the last hole. At just 5,843 yards, Kempsville Greens clearly owns several other members including Jean Dore and Chris Hays.

Dore and Hays both scored just 20 points. Dore opened the first two holes with 16 strokes while Hays had the early lead with just 15 strokes.

"Things were very tight on the front nine," said partner Kevin Long, Jr. "Dore had just a one-stroke lead at the turn, but we all knew it would not last."

Hays opened the back nine with 3 quadruple-bogeys in the first 4 holes and Jean Dore capitalized. "Back up the truck and load up the points," said a laughing Dore, referring to the new set of points scheduled for distribution on January 1.

"Hays hit a lot of good balls," said Long. "I was impressed with his shots. His score did not reflex how well he was hitting the ball."

Dore's round was the worst round since playing in Richmond during a heavy back nine downpour. Hays carded his career worst round with just 20 points. Like Cooper, Hays' 36th round was a career worst at 38.6-over par when using the USGA Handicap Index.

"Holy Disasters Batman! It is not surprising that Kevin entered the scorecard," said Mike Davis, Vice President of Security. "I am not sure the best round should be the scorekeeper, but no investigation is necessary at this time."

Gumby was asked about the career lows in Virginia Beach. "The course is very short, but I would not recommend a different course. This has to be mentally devistating for these guys at 5,800 yards. I would channel the embarrassment into a stronger focus. These guys need a game plan and probably 7-iron off the tees. This is one of those 'monkeys on the back' that can only be cured by a return visit."

Jean Dore, who leaped over Jay Glover into 58th position two weeks ago has returned to 59th position. A future round in the teens will be enough to hit rock bottom and take over last place in the 2006 Virtual Tournament.