March 2, 2007

VIRGINIA BEACH, VA — Chris Hays, a.k.a. Tanner, was once a golden child looking for a Golden Jacket. In the past several years, he has dropped sharply in every attempt to keep his golden status.

Many members including Jay Glover think Chris Hays should have been drapped in Carl Spackler Outfit apparel. The 8-point final round in Clayton showed his inability to perform down the stretch. Hays placed 62nd in a field of 63.

Hays opened as a rookie at Mountain Valley where he finished in a tie for 57th position. "It does not take brain surgery to realize Tanner is terrible," said a drunk Kevin Long, Jr. "He has statistics like the Raiders. His career best round is 33 points. His 3rd best round is 15 points. His average per round is 18.8 points."

Hays joined Mike Davis and Jay Glover as the only two golfers to shoot single-digit points since 2002. Mike Watkeys and Jeremy Myers scored just 9 points during a round in Williamsburg.

"I am pretty sure that I have hit rock bottom," said Hays. "Things must improve because the only thing left are a pair of outfits."

Chris Hays enters the 2007 tournament as the 37th best golfer in Spackler History with a 316.00 ranking. The 38th best golfer is presently Bill Dick with 289.74 ranking. They will most likely battle it out with the loser taking home the 2007 Crapper Award.

The 2007 Carl Spackler Open begins on June 7 at Grande Golf Club just south of Jackson, MI. There are 60 golfers scheduled to participate.