June 16, 2003

WHEELING, WV — Nine Golfapalooza veterans teed it up at this weekend's Carl Spackler Open, the summer's first Major.  The end result was unimpressive to say the least.  "I expected a much better showing from the Loozers this weekend," said Founding Father Gstan.  

Founding Father Butter managed to grab a share of the first round lead, but as the pressure of a major tournament weekend mounted, his game abandoned him and left him with only the sour taste of a fourth place finish in his mouth.  "It just wasn't meant to be this time," said Butter at the post-tournament press conference.  "My game is not really suited to protecting a lead.  I've got 17 different pre-shot swing thoughts before every stroke; if I'm thinking about winning on top of that, my swing suffers.  I'm really better off when I open near the bottom of the leaderboard," Butter added.  "When I go into the second and third rounds resigned to the fact that victory is beyond my grasp, I can focus only on my swing and sneak up on the leaders at the end."  

Jackson Heights own Mr. Rrrrrrrrrandy Wwwwwwwwwatson was the only other Loozer to crack the top 10.  The rest were also-rans who slid down the leaderboard like they were in a whipped cream race, failing to make an impact on the final outcome.

"This is very disappointing," added Gstan.  "We had nine Loozers with over 25 years worth of major tournament experience competing in an event nearly half-filled with players making their first major tournament appearance."

These nine Loozers now have exactly 100 days to regroup and try to make amends this fall at Alpine Lake, the home of GVII.