May 7, 2007

COLUMBUS, OH — While the Captains Club finalizes preparation for its 7th Major Championship, a group of similar questions regarding tournament handicapping came to the business office over the past weeks resulting in an impromptu news conference to clear things up. Greg Long (i.e. Slick), Chairman of the Club, led the conference.

"Good Afternoon. My secretary put 7 post-it notes on my desk regarding handicapping questions," Long said. "I would like to clear things up with just 30 days before Round 1."

Long continued, "Our 7th Major Championship will be scored just like the 1st back in 2001. We will be using points and each golfer will have their own set of points. The goal is to statistically distribute points to all golfers so they can shoot 60 to 68 points per round. I am extremely confident that is happening. The Point Leaderboards look very similar to the USGA Leaderboards online.

I should add that golfers with a handicap of 14 or better will have an increased target. The better the golfer, the higher the target. It is much easier for Jon Munksgard to improve than Marty Zabonik and the increased target makes things statistically fair.

The new increased point target from 35 points has removed the possibility of a golfer receiving zero points for bogey and 4 points for par. It also has removed duplicate rewards like 1 point for double bogey and 1 point for bogey.

Each golfer in this grand event has two sets of points. One set was distributed on January 1 for the 2007 Virtual Tournament. Those should not be confused with our little get-together in Jackson. Virtual Tournament handicaps will remain the same until January 1 and determine the most improved golfer of the year. Presently, that is Jason Ridgeway due to stellar play this spring.

Under the golf trip section of the website is a link labeled "Handicaps". This is where players attending our 7th Major Championship can find their points. The purpose of our 3-day event is to determine the worst and best golfer using real-time handicaps. We do not update the season-long virtual tournament handicaps, but insert another set of points to measure our golf trip.

Are there any questions?"

A unnamed reporter asked, "I heard Zabonik is getting an increased target above and beyond his scratch based golf game. Is this true?"

Slick replied, "Yes. Well... Probably. Poststats has instituted additional target increases for golfers who play the same course 55, 70 and 85 percent of the time.

Now before some of you guys fly off the handle, we have to understand the purpose of handicapping. We are leveling the playing field. Zabonik is just another golfer who statistically swings the club 6.2 percent more when he leaves his home course. In fact, Zabonik is actually higher than our average statistics suggest, but that may or may not be attributed to alcohol. Our detailed handicapping metholodogy includes thousands of scorecards and analysis. We strongly believe the past Poststats Point System was inaccurate and present day USGA handicapping system is flawed in this regard. Statistics speak for themselves and Zabonik is just one of many examples. We call this the "home-course effect" and these guys require an increased handicap."

Jay Glover who lost the last tournament while receiving zero points for bogey conference called in, "When are points set for the tournament?" Slick replied, "When are you playing your last round before the tournament?" Jay answered, "I do not know." Slick replied, "The cutoff is probably June 5, but your future rounds should not be based on your current handicap. That is called cheating."

Glover replied, "There are 5 or 6 sets of points that will give me 60 points. Can I pick?" Slick replied, "Nope. The system distributes using a priority system. Each set of points has a priority based on fun factor and risk. The system identifies the best set of points and assigns automatically. You can see the priority for each set of points in the left column of your handicap analyzer."

Lacey Underall stepped in the room. Can my buddy Mike Lewis seriously lose this tournament with 2 points for triple bogey and 3 points for double bogey?" Slick replied, "Lacey. You are looking really good today. I really like your blouse." [Pause] "Are you saying Lewis is a hacker? I really hate justifying statistics so I won't do it today. However it is a fact that Lewis had the same handicap in 2004 and 2005. He finished in 37th position of 47 golfers at Tanglewood Park and 52nd of 68 golfers at Mountain Valley. Those horrible finishes could be used to argue even more points in Michigan.

I will take one more question."

Another reporter asked, "Do you have a favorite?" Slick replied, "To the best of my knowledge, we have never had a drunk champion or a sober person wearing the Carl Spackler Outfit until last year. By the way... we are strongly considering a "show and tell" banana slice clinic by Jay Glover on the range Thursday.

Sorry about that. Things just come to mind.

Anyway, Matt Pritchard and Mike Davis have folded like lawn chairs for 3 years in a row. Especially with Hays and Bill Dick pulling out of the tournament in April. Pritchard owns the Crapper Award because he sucks and more importantly cannot finish. He must stop, drop everything and complete revamp another game plan. A game face without a smirk would help. I had my suspicions last year at Flying Saucer when he appeared to be ready for a lap dance instead of a golf tournament.

Mike Davis has the 4th best handicap in the field. He shot 50 on the front nine in 2004 and shot 100 at least once at Mountain Valley. There are several guys that cannot handle pressure of a major championship. Gumby and Pritchard are great examples.

As far as the jacket... Golfers need to bring their 'A' game or make a physical swing adjustment on Wednesday morning. Our 2005 Champion Rick Dosky can speak to quick adjustments on the range and the impact of those adjustments with his first jacket at Mountain Valley. Outside of those heavy Outfit risks, I would guess 40 guys can put together one great round. About 6 or 7 of those 40 have a swing that will not hold up for 54 holes. Another 40 players will not be sober enough during all 3 rounds. Eliminate another 35 guys based on the mental requirements. That leaves 2 or 3 guys with a real chance."

"Any specific contenders?" came from the press room. "We are dealing with huge fairways and huge greens that can roll like glass," said Long. "This should be a large advantage to average golfer.

It should also be noted that Ohio continues with its strong attendance. They do not own 5 of 6 Golden Jackets because Ridgeway was unable to close the door at Tanglewood Park. The state of Virginia is very due.

Speaking of Tanglewood... Mike Watkeys wore the Carl Spackler Outfit back in June 2004 after going a full year without playing and skipping the practice round. He has not picked up a club since. I see him as another early favorite to lose again.

One thing is for sure. You cannot show up shooting bogey golf and score one bogey per round in the tournament. If you don't play well, you stand to lose the tournament and wear the Outfits. I have gotta go."