August 2, 2007

WATERLOO, IL — Brent Kaniecki, a.k.a. Patch, roared this week at Annbriar Golf Course just outside of St. Louis, MO. The stunning and very loud 86-point effort was enough to have computer screens shaking around the world. It had family members diving into his round looking for an explanation or even justice.

"Brent is just not that good," says fellow brother and extreme hacker Jack Kaniecki, a.k.a. The Hammer. "Something sounds awful fishy. Since I am a golfer with no credibility, I will see if brother Stan or Eric can investigate the matter."

Patch carded a rare eagle at the ninth hole for 16 points. Brother Stan thought it was a good place to start the investigation. "Are you kidding?" immediately exclaimed brother Stan Kaniecki. "I have seen plenty of par 5's over the years, but often the bitch tees are longer than 427 yards. What in the world is he doing out there? We are preparing for Golfapalooza; not the LPGA."

Stan shook his head and added, "The 9th has zero water and doglegs right, which makes the 427 yards even shorter. You have to wonder if his first eagle was a fist pump eagle or cap bill over the face birdie carded as an eagle."

Kaniecki roared again a few holes later after stringing two birdies together on the back nine scoring another 20 points. "Great putting all day," said Patch after the round. "Everything seemed to drop in the hole. Even Al was amazed by my skills."

Sheiker was all smiles after seeing the scorecard. "This type of round is going to kill his MELC handicap and points," said a laughing Sheiker from his den in southern Pittsburgh, PA. "He shot 4-under par on 3 holes during the same 18 holes. Shot 3-under through his best 9 holes. That is a handicap killer for him."

Brian "Butter" Flanagan immediately made himself available to downplay the effects to the Golfapalooza 54-hole tournament. "For each golfer, the system removes the best and four worst rounds from the last 15 rounds before calculating handicap. This is clearly the best round of Brent's life, which makes it unavailable for computation."

The Real Stan did comment further on the effects to the tournament. "You are correct Butter," said Stanley as he interrupted Butter. "His round from the ladies tee will not count, but his previous round from another course will count. He scored 11 pars at Acorns Golf Course about two weeks ago, which sounds incredibly ridiculous. The investigation needs to go further in depth."

Brother Stan explained how Brent has been shifting bogeys to pars this summer in a very quiet manner. "Patch has doubled and could triple his par count per round from last summer," said Real Stan in an educative manner. "It was a quiet move forward until he carded the round this week at Annbriar. He is either cheating or getting much better."

"He is exposed," says Stan. "He has been playing the ladies tee in Missouri for years so that is not a big surprise. His short yardages are being graded as accurate as possible under the circumstances. I do not know if he is cheating, but he is actually much better statistically. I think he is after Boland's money on the first hole and maybe even a surprise low total over Eric and I. He better not lose his clubs or A game at the airport this year."

Kaniecki added, "This whole turnaround sounds like Watson's from last year. One big disaster with Brian Farse's design to expose it."

Brent Kaniecki fired 8 pars yesterday at Acorns, which continues to raise the expectations in Terra Alta, WV. Brent Kaniecki holds 8th position in the season-long Virtual Tournament with 62.2 points per round. He remains in great position to roar again as each of his next 5 posted rounds will replace old subpar rounds.