August 20, 2007

GILBERT, WV — Brian and Greg Long embarked on another venture last week. The location was in the middle of nowhere and golf course was the legendary Twisted Gun. The entire experience had the twosome in unique experience mode throughout the day trip.

"The entire experience will be remembered on my death bed," said Brian Long after the round. "How do you forget this kind of day?"

The twosome made the 2 hour trip from Pipestem Resort State Park on Thursday for a morning round of golf. They were sure to travel in a reliable vehicle, full tank of gas, lantern, tent, and detailed map for contingencies.

Brian Long explained the series of golf firsts to the local media.

"The first time I had ever seen a bank in a double-wide trailer," said Long. "We made a point to slow down on the way back because we thought it was impossible considering a required vault.

The first time I had ever seen a federal post office in a single-wide trailer.

The bunkers are black, which was a first. They had fine growns of coal mixed in with the sand. Very cool. The first time I had seen flagsticks that came up to my shoulder. The wind must be severe on occasion. The visual effect from the short pins deceived your mind into thinking you were further from the hole.

The first time I played with nothing but huge coal trucks echoing off the valleys. The first time I pissed in a railcar with a restroom. Caboose and boxcar."

Greg stepped in to talk about the air. Long stated, "It was the first time I had overshot green after green because of elevation and thinner air. I was in denial for the first several holes, but had to club down and admit it was happening. That is as weird as golf gets.

The first time we had seen hornets the size of your middle finger. The clubhouse said they do not bite and come for 3 weeks in August to mate every year. They leave and never see them again until the following August.

The first time we saw a helicopter land in the parking lot with golfers. The helicopter came out of the valley, over our heads, stirred up the tall fescue like a minor hurricane, and landed in the parking lot in a dust storm."

Brian Long continued, "We saw at minimum 50 houses with severe fire or termite damage on the way from Pipestem. Obviously people are not purchasing home owners insurance."

The twosome never really had cell phone coverage except at the golf course. The very high elevation allowed near perfect cell phone coverage.

A member of the Spackler News Network stopped the interview with a question. "The experience sounds unique. How about the golf course?"

Greg Long replied, "The golf was just secondary to a very memorable experience," said Long. "It was the best true links course that I have ever played. The fescue was everywhere, penal, and waist high. The front nine seemed to be played between 10 foot high rolling mounds of fescue. Kinda like playing in a bowl. The course was under a major drought, but the experience was too exciting to notice. The back had some elevation changes, which added to a great design. It was a pretty easy course with zero trees, but I probably missed only one or two fairways.

The rough was outstanding and greens were compacted and rolled. The ninth and eighteenth greens were joined and behind a large pond with fountain. The green was about 150 yards wide. Some tees and greens were built on piles of large boulders."

Slick continued, "The ride from the base driveway was 8 miles up into the sky," said Long. "You get to the top and everything is below your feet except the clubhouse trailer roof. It was very hazy, but a clear day must allow endless views of the mountain range. This is not a day of golf. It is a highly recommended experience."

The twosome played from 7,015 yards and shot 11-over 83 and 20-over 92. Twisted Gun is recognized as the 40th Best Bargain in America by Golf Magazine.