August 23, 2007

COLUMBUS, OH — Amidst a flurry of substandard performances posted in the 2007 Golfapalooza Virtual Summer Tournament, perennial 2nd place raw finisher Jeff Quackenbush finds himself immersed in what he claims is an "unwarranted" sandbagging scandal.  Founding Father, Butter, who is no stranger to sandbagging accusations, has been somewhat sympathetic to the plight of his fellow Loozer.  "Frankly, I wouldn't blame him if he did.  He's the second best golfer in the field every year, and would be remembered as an all-time great if it weren't for that damn Slick."  Butter added, "there's no joy in finishing second every year; no joy in knowing that you are the best out of all the people who didn't win; no joy in being number one out of all the losers.  I'm sure it has mentally and emotionally backed him into a corner where he sees bagging for the MELC cup as his only chance at glory."

Quack has been quick to steadfastly defend himself throughout the ordeal.  "This is complete bulls#$t!  Especially coming from a guy who already has his name immortalized on the MELC Cup," Quack fired back at Butter.  "I've been making adjustments in my game this summer in an effort to improve, that's all.  Like for instance, I'm standing on the other side of the ball and hitting with the back of the club, and I'm only holding the club with one hand.  I'm still working out the issues it has caused with both distance and accuracy, as well as the propensity for injuring other golfers.  You can't just perfect a technique like that overnight and expect results.  If I don't have it working for me by GXI, I'll probably return to my old swing, of course, and that is what has all the conspiracy theorists screaming 'sandbagger'!  Golfapalooza is not the time to being tinkering with your swing; its a time when you bring what works best for you to compete against the best.  Is that sandbagging?  Hell no, that's just good sense!"

Slick, chairman of the MELC Scoring Committee, had no comment on the matter, nor did any other members of the committee.