September 10, 2007

ALPINE LAKE, WV — We recently caught up with Pat "Hurricane" Boland as he was leaving a recent cardiac rehab assignment, and we were able to gather the following information regarding his possible attendance to GXI:

1)  Boland is currently seeking new sponsorship as RJ Reynolds unceremoniously dropped him faster than Nike dropped Micheal Vick.  The RJ Reynold's spokesman was quoted as saying "we're currently looking at several other loozers who might replace Boland's 2 pack a day habit"

2)  The research is complete as to whether the Garrett County Hospital had a cardiac unit.  They do, and a map is located next to the nitro pills on Boland's key chain.

3)  The doctor suggested a room away from the debauchery of GXI.....Sheiker secured a room at the lodge......the only room available was a smoking room!!   WTF??? (Editor's note: Since the original posting of this article Sheiker has obtained a non smoking room for Boland)

4)  Dietician is sending the specific diet requirements to the crew that does the shopping!  Expect lots of carrot sticks, celery sticks, low fat pop tarts, etc.  ok, that's a joke.....no diet restrictions!! 5)  Attendance looks promising, will know for sure next week!!

Thanks for all the calls and the emails and the well wishes!!