October 9, 2007

ALPINE LAKE, WV — JT Thomas shocked Loozer nation on Friday of this year's event carding a ridiculous 79.  Not to take anything away from the former champion, but he is playing as a 17 handicap these days and many of us were a little surprised by his no double bogey round with pars on 12, 15 and 17.  He had not previously recorded a score lower than double bogey on any of those holes in nearly six years (often posting double digit scores on these mental block holes).  The validity was further threatened by the fact that the only witness to the remarkable score was his partner for the two man best ball as Mark and JT had to play in a twosome nearly six holes in front of the nearest group.

Well, let it be known to all the Naysayers that, on Sunday October 7th, lightning struck twice.  Thomas fired another 79 (albiet at Mazeroski's) and three Loozers were there to witness (and pay dearly with their wallets).  G-Stan, Real Stan and Whitey were waiting for the young Lebonese to fall apart after double bogeying the 9th to card an unthinkable 36 on the front!!!  The three of them are still waiting for the blow up as JT held it together for a 43 on the back to equal his person best over the past six years.

"I feel like I'm playing the best golf of my life right now" Thomas said.  "The hole seems to be 3 feet in diameter and I am totally confident over the ball on nearly every shot."  G-Stan knew that JT's game was coming around but hadn't played with him in over a year.  "My brothers and other Loozers have told me of the turnaround and improved swing, but not one of them prepared me for what I saw today.  I'm not speaking of the score either.  Have you seen his set up????  It looks is if there is no way he could possibly hit the ball straight.  His club face is so closed it looks as if he has to hit himself in the shin with the ball on contact.  I kept waiting for it to happen but he kept hitting the ball straight..........and far!!!  F_cker!!"

Real Stan missed this year's event but doesn't understand how JT could have lost the MELC getting 3 for bogey, 4 for par and 9 for birdie.  "He had to score close to a hundred points today, and he left 5 or 6 strokes out there with his putter.  It was a real pleasure to watch today.  Like poetry in motion."

Whitey was speechless.  Not because of JT's play (he plays with JT once or twice a week and saw the transformation coming).  He was speechless because of his own play.  "It's been a long time since I carded the high score in a foursome.  That piece of shit course has my number.  Every time I go there I feel like I can be in the mid 70's and have yet to break 80!!!"

For any who are interested, the foursome was introduced to an innovative golf gambling game by Real Stan.  It is called "Putt Poker" and here is how it works.  Every player throws in $3 or whatever you want to "ante" at the beginning of the round and is dealt three cards.  Every time you one putt, you get another card and every time you three putt, you put in another dollar.  Two putts are a push and four putts are $2 and so on (anything more than a four putt and you should be thrown off the course).  At the end of the round, you make the best five card poker hand you can with however many cards you have.  The person with the best hand wins the pot.  For those who are counting, G-stan won $24 (mostly JT's and Whitey's) with a Jack high flush.  I highly recommend this game to all.  Put a deck of cards in your bag tomorrow and make sure you yell "we may have a contributor" any time someone has a second putt longer than 4 feet.  Good luck to all on "Putt Poker" and make sure to apologize to JT the next time you see him for doubting his 79.  We saw it with our own eyes and paid for it with our hard earned money (or in Stan's case, his wife's hard earned money)!!!!