December 3, 2007

WARREN, PA — It's definitely intimidating coming in as a rookie because Spackler is totally different from the high school game. It’s a lot quicker, courses are more difficult, and the pressures of life increase tenfold. You want to try and do the best you can, but rookie Steven Parinella might just be running scared.

With tournament registration underway, there are several unconfirmed reports that Parinella is all but out of this year's championship. The consensus is the "Bernie Kosar want-to-be" is running scared about the perceived bullying of rookies and the Warren County School District.

"Are you kidding?" asked Brian Flanagan, Vice President of Entertainment. "He is a high school football referee. He is supposed to be the law. He is supposed to exhibit control. [pause] Seriously, what is this guys problem?"

The obvious Yankees fan reportedly teaches history. "School. That sounds like a better excuse, but it still sucks," says Flanagan. "My wife is a principal in Ohio. They have subs here in Ohio. I am pretty sure they have subs in Pennsylvania. Someone needs to explain the stupidiy behind his fear."

Flanagan added, "At least he didn't say he isn't confident enough in his golf game." Flanagan is obviously referring to Parinella's handicap and statistics, which are better than 30 percent of expected tournament field.

Parinella has posted nine scorecards with 34-over 105 as his personal worst. He currently holds 48th position with 57.6 points per round.

Mike Trojanowski jumped into the news conference. "Great News! We have our school teacher," said Troj. "Get him signed up! We got our plummer with Harold Anderson's signing last week. We still have room for a fireman, garbage man, dentist, and road construction contractor."

Flanagan said, "On second thought... maybe he shouldn't come to Spackler. His online bio indicates he likes drinking beer, Bill Murray, and John Daly. That kind of personality would clash with the tournament field."

Trojanowski interrupted Flanagan. "He is a history teacher," said Troj. "Nobody knows more than a history teacher that we will never be younger than we were yesterday."

There is just over one month left in the 2007 Virtual Tournament. Open tournament registration for the 2008 Carl Spackler Open Championship continues until the tournament cap is reached or December 28.