April 16, 2008

WILLIAMSBURG, VA — As the 6 year anniversary passes from the 2002 Carl Spackler Open Championship, five things come to mind from the mid-April week at Williamsburg.

First, a golden performance from Mike Trojanowski, a.k.a. Troj, after wearing the Carl Spackler Outfit the year prior. Second, an ungolden performance by Tom McCauley, a.k.a. T., where he set the standard of a true Carl Spackler.

Third, a horses ass performance by Mike Watkeys when he was busy mixing a Tequilia Sunrise while attempting to drive the golf cart. He smashed full speed into a pine tree, flying through the windshield, and laying on the ground in the fetal position causing a delay in play.

"You have never seen anything like it," said Chris Goss. "I am standing the fairway trap. The golf cart went from 14 mph to zero in 1/8 of a second. That tree did not even shake at impact. It was like hitting a brick wall."

The fourth moment were the sunburns during a very hot week. "I have never played golf in my life with temperatures above 90 degrees and no leaves on the trees," said Greg Long. "Garrett told everyone with sunburns to jump in the hot tub and burn the sting out. It was ridicolous suggestion, but everyone did it, screamed in pain, and felt better afterwards."

Tom McCauley found his home on top of the hot tub. He slept each night on the warm tub cover.

The most memorable moment is courtesy of the Player Transportation Vehicle. The large passenger van blew drive 4 and drive 3 in the West Virginia mountains on I-64. Greg Garrett drove the Columbus group 110 miles in 2nd gear before losing drive 4, 3, and 2. "We coasted down the median a few times that night," said Garrett. "It was an experience of a lifetime."

"I woke up in the back seat at 3:00AM to an incredibly loud engine," says Greg Long. "It sounded like a 747 airplane taking off. I went up to the front to inquire."

Garrett replied, "We lost 4th gear about 90 miles ago. We lost 3rd gear about 20 miles ago. Once in a while it will grab 3rd gear for a few miles, but we only have 2nd and 1st gear left."

Garrett finished the journey to the Richmond beltway where he lost 2nd gear. "The engine was running pretty hot, but we had an important tee time at the Colonial Golf Club," says Jason Watson. "The vehicle was incredibly loud at the Richmond airport. I remember everyone including the police looking at the van when we picked up Don McFarland. Someone sure got their money's worth out of that transmission."

The crew continued east on I-64 to Williamsburg in 1st gear.

After the practice round, the Player Transportation Vehicle began stripping out first gear after each 1/4 mile driven. The 2002 participants proceeded by coasting 1/8 mile down the shoulder of a major highway and then 'rebooting' the vehicle. The 'cold rebooting' sequence allowed the transmission to cool down a couple hundred degrees, which enabled the vehicle to proceed another 1/4 to 1/2 mile depending on highway grade before stripping out again.

"I remember sitting on the shoulder at a busy traffic light," said Rick Dosky, Chief Financial Officer of the Captains Club. "We sat there for 10 minutes while we allowed the vehicle to cool. I used my watch and we timed the traffic light so we could predict when it would turn green. It would allow us to make the left turn without stalling in one of the busiest intersections in Williamsburg."

The Player Transportation Vehicle eventually coasted in neutral down the driveway of the condo complex before being parked. "We yelled out the passenger window at a skateboarder to get out of the main driveway," said Jason Watson. "Braking would have required another 5 minute reboot."

The vehicle was left at the condo complex for months.  Brian Flanagan, Dan Weizenecker, Greg Garrett, Rick Dosky, Greg Long, Jason Watson, and Tom McCauley rented a couple of cars in Richmond, VA on Saturday and returned back to Columbus on Sunday.

Before departing on Sunday, Brian Flanagan collected some porn left in the back seat prior to departure. "Absolutely one of the funniest experiences of all time," said Brian Flanagan. "You cannot make this stuff up."

The last moment of rememberence was Matt Davis, Vice President of Bag Storage and Gifts, standing on the first tee bragging about his new golf shirt specially made for the Open Championship. "How do you like my shirt?" said Matt Davis to anyone who could hear him. "Brian Flanagan peaked in and said, "Does Williamburg have an "s" in it? I think so. Nice shirt Pokey."

The 8th installment of the Carl Spackler Open Championship begins in Peru, IN in 49 days. Rookies continue to schedule critical practice rounds to acquire the required handicap for the event.