February 22, 2008

PERU, IN — The Captains Club held a quick press conference on Thursday to meet with the media and hopefully answer questions about the upcoming golf tournament. Greg Long, a.k.a. Slick, grabbed the Carl Spackler Outfit and took to the podium, but not before he offered Lacey Underall a front row seat.

"Welcome. I have two pieces of information to provide the media and tournament field.

First, the tournament field reached a record-high 68 golfers yesterday. The 68 golfers reaches the tournament cap established back in October and officially completes the first phase of preparation.

Secondly... the golf course, hotel, and entertainment in Peru have been verified. Reservations are made and deposits have been sent. The second phase of preparation, participant options and preferences, will begin online starting March 8. Collection of participant balances would be our third phase. All money is due in the mail prior to April 26.

This press conference is primarily dedicated to the tournament cap announcement. I would be glad to answer some questions."

Chris Milam asked, "When is the Carl Spackler Open going to start occuring twice a year?"

Long replied, "Good question. I have lots of kitchen passes myself. So there are the two of us plus Lacey ready to do this twice a year. [Lacey turns her head and smiles.] Whenever there are 12 or 16 strong verbal commitments, we can add another golf trip."

A reporter asked, "We continue to notice your rookies register for National Championship and forget their 'game-faces'. They undervalue the tournament and what it takes to win. Do you plan to educate rookies on the value of preparation?"

Marty Zabonik shouted, "Hey Slick! Can I have that one?"

Long replied, "Sure."

Zabonik said, "During my rookie year, I was young and stupid. I thought that my golf talents alone were good enough to win the tournament. I was extremely wrong and finished 55th. Since that rookie year, I have started my training with the alcohol consumption. Rookies should not be as naive as I was. It takes more than just a good golf game to compete in the Spackler."

Slick added, "Stupid is not illegal. The Captains Club can tell rookies anything, but we cannot force them to arrive with a 'tournament game-face'. I would ask rookies to contact Joe Muscaro, Dave Osborne, and Mark Wray for rookie suggestions and experiences. These rookies from Michigan left their game-face at home. Dave Osborne in particular showed up with anything but a game face. It looked like he was ready for a lap dance.

Next question."

Jerry Long asked, "Why is there a tournament cap?"

Long replied, "The hotel has 35 rooms with two queen beds in each room. There are 68 golfers for 34 rooms. Boosting the tournament to 72 golfers would require single occupancy or sharing of beds."

A reporter asked, "What is the largest stress as we move closer to Peru?"

Long replied, "Weather. Trying to follow up Michigan is going to be impossible."

The reporter replied, "That is true. What is the second largest?"

Long replied, "Pace of play."

The reporter replied, "Do any stresses pertain to Indiana?"

Long replied, "Not really. The flexibility of vendors will result in the smoothest tournament ever. Everthing is going in our favor. The distance from Peru, IN to a major airport is probably a nuisance.

[Lacey raises her finger in the air.] "Excuse me," said Lacey Underall. [Lacey stands up and turns around.] Lacey says, "I would remind everyone that 23 guys are coming from Columbus, OH. I cannot imagine these 23 guys plus 10 others using I-70 cannot provide ground transportation to Peru if using Port Columbus International Airport. We received word last week that Kevin Long, Jr. got his round trip plane ticket through Skybus Airlines for $55. That included taxes."

Jeff Miller asked, "What's on tap for Wednesday night?"

Long replied, "Complimentary happy hour, food, free pool, free air hockey, golf tournament discussions, free foozball, and free team bowling tournament. A free bus to take each golfer to/from Homer's Sports Bar."

A reporter asked, "What do you see as unique about Peru, IN?"

Slick replied, "There are lots of things. The flexibility by vendors was mentioned a couple of minutes ago. The distance from hotel to golf course is 5 minutes. The shuttle bus invoice is 29 cents per golfer per hour. The hotel is serving complimentary omelets each morning. The 11th Best Bargain in America is allowing us tee the scramble in eightsomes."

Barry Cedarquist asked, "Can you size up the golf course?"

Long replied, "Sure. The first hole is a great opener. It is pleasing to the eye, easy to play, and rewards risk. You will finish twelve holes and realize the character never lets up. Your practice round is not critical like the Grande or Mountain Valley, but sure it will provide value. Approach shots are very important. You will slowly realize as you play that long and accurate tee shots become unimportant. The design surrounding the greens will crown a true champion."

Cedarquist asked, "Where would you rank Rock Hollow against the 7 other Spackler venues?"

Long replied, "Good question, however would like to leave that question unanswered until July. Character driven courses are the goal to provide excitement and prevent boredom after 36 holes. Rock Hollow clearly reaches this goal. I think a portion of the senior members will consider the golf course their personal favorite. Golf Digest ranks the course the same as The Grande, The Neuse, and Mountain Valley."

Jean Dore asked, "The Rock Hollow website suggests its Chris Smith's home course. What do you know about Chris Smith?"

Slick replied, "Chris Smith plays on the PGA Tour. He graduated from Ohio State. He lives in a large house adjacent to Rock Hollow's signature hole. His career earnings are $4.6 million. He is presently the 3rd most accurate driver on the PGA Tour. His father, Todd Smith, is handling our golf trip."

Dore replied with a sarcastic tone, "Why isn't Chris Smith playing in the Carl Spackler Open?"

Slick replied, "I never said he was not playing."

Dore replied, "OK. I did not see him listed on the website. Does Chris Smith plan to play in the Open?"

Slick replied, "Good question. Maybe. He may or may not play in the Stanford St. Jude Championship. He did not participate in the 2007 Stanford St. Jude Championship. I am told he likes to drink beer. Lots of beer. Lacey is handling those arrangements. [Lacey turns her head and smiles.]

Trent Cooper chimed in, "What is his handicap?"

Long replied, "Good question. Zero for bogey, zero for par, four points for birdie, and eight points for eagle. A Trent Cooper par is worth the same as Chris Smith birdie.

I will take one more question."

Chris Philpsen asked, "How many participant options this year?"

Long replied, "Probably 14. The process is optional, but everyone should expect 10 to 15 minutes to complete their options. The information gathered will personalize your golf tournament in a very simple and organized manner."

The 2008 Carl Spackler Open Championship will be played in Peru, IN. The tournament field is presently set at a record-high 68 golfers. There is a mandatory player meeting scheduled for 8:30AM on Thursday, June 5.