March 10, 2008

VIRGINIA BEACH, VA — Jean Dore, the loser of the 2006 Virtual Tournament, has shattered a record that has stood as long as Carl Spackler himself. Dore, a.k.a. Smokey, shot an embarrassing 28-over 90 strokes at Owl's Creek Family Golf Center in Virginia Beach, VA. Dore scored a dismal 17 points.

"There were no bright spots today," says Dore. "Scoring three triple-bogeys and two quadruple bogeys is not golf. In southern Virginia, they call that hacking."

Matt Davis called to question the scorecard that posted 47 strokes on the back nine. "This is cheating," says Davis. "This is a family fun center with twelve par 3's. This is wrong and I am starting a detail investigation on scorecard tampering."

Smokey followed up the 17-point debacle with a 23-point debacle on day prior. The round included just 5 pars.

"The Little Monster is nothing to joke about," said Dore after the rounds. "Hole 7 is a wicked little 445-yard par-5 with three marshes you have to cross over and woods left and right. I would just hit the 7 iron, but it still leaves me trying to hit a 5 iron to clear the third marsh through a chute to a pitched fairway."

Dore surprised everyone when he beefed up the course difficulty. "Might as well be the U.S. Open out there. The 17th hole has out of bounds down the right side with trees and water on the left. The dogleg leaves about a hundred to the green. It's another PGA style hole. Also, the greens at least have to be running two on stimpmeter. I'm working on my game and will be at the top of my come Spackler."

"Smokey is obvious smoking something," Trent Cooper said of the round. "The PGA Tour does not hold golf tournaments at Family Fun Centers."

Dore did also post a Cypress Point Country Club on February 24. The round was nothing to write home to Mom about. The 2008 opener included three hockey sticks and two snowmen.

"Investigation," yelled Davis. "This is the most sandbagging since Kev did it in 2004."

In unrelated disappointing news, Jim Zavinski's wife passed away ten days ago after her personal battle with cancer. Cindy was 49 and leaves behind three children.

The 2008 Virtual Tournament is underway with Jean Dore in last place. The 38.0 points per round might just hold up throughout the summer.