April 29, 2008

TERRA ALTA, WV — So I pulled my clubs out of the carrying case this weekend where they had been since they returned from GXI.  I noticed the lovely dirt still on them from Alpine Lake and in a flash, 1000 memories flashed through my head like the dirt had some kind of psychic power.  So I sat down and relaxed and really tried to remember the details of each of those memories.  I found myself missing a lot of details and I chalked it up to the speed of the weekend.  So this year I am making a pack to myself to relax and really try to remember the events that happen while I am there.  So what does that mean to me….

First it means for me to start packing a few weeks before the trip so I am not running around the night before trying to get ready and having that feeling of forgetting something.  It means not worrying about whether my brother will be on time or not.  It means getting up to Brett’s on time to help pack the truck so that I can enjoy the post packing beers.  It means not worrying about meeting Blankenbush at Mcdonald’s in Wheeling Wednesday morning.  If he’s there great if not no big deal he is a big boy and can find his own way to Terra Alta.  It also means not worrying about Quack putting gay magnets on my truck at Mcdonald’s for the rest of the trip.  Mainly because I am not going to care,  I feel secure enough to not worry what others think.

Second it means not to worry about who shows up Wednesday for the practice round.  Even if it’s just me and Brett driving around listening to music hitting balls cracking on each others mom’s, it will be pure enjoyment to me.  I won’t worry about who I sit next to in the club house after the practice round for dinner.  Even if I have to sit next to Brent and listen to his retarded stories I will relax and enjoy the time.  I won’t worry about the waitress not being able to figure out how to separate 15 checks and it taking me long to get out of there and back to the cabin.  The cabin is not going anywhere, it will be there when I get there.

Thirdly when I get back to the cabin, I won’t worry about what am I going to do.  Play poker, play corn hole, watch porn, play Atari….  I will just relax take a long healthy duke and then see what happens.  Even if I get stuck at a poker table with Bartlett and Bear and have to listen to whatever the hell Bartlett is talking about and listening to bear explain every hand to me like it’s the first time I ever played poker even when it’s a $2.00 pot.  I will relax when I have to explain to Bartlett how to play 4’s and 7’s again for the millionth time and I won’t get worked up when Bear goes all in for $72 on a $3.00 pot.  I won’t get worked up when one of the Kaniecki’s comes along and starts talking about the hands being played at the table even though they are not playing.  I will just relax, put in a big dip and spit a few times.

Fourthly I won’t worry if everyone is up in time to get to the course in time for the first tee shot at noon on Thursday.  I will just get up eat a nice Bartlett omelet drink a cup of juice maybe smoke a nice Marsh Wheeling stogy.  Then let everyone know I am leaving if anyone would like a ride and then just leave.   When I get to the course I won’t worry about whether Ann or the new pro guy likes us being there.  I’ll buy a beer or 2 from the club house but I will most certainly have a few backups in the old golf bag since the Golf pro guy thinks it’s necessary to raise the prices.  Then I will get the closet to the pins markers and find Stan to ask which holes to put them on because I can’t ever remember which holes are the par three’s even though I have been there for ten years.  Then I will relax and think of a few names to put on the marks to start things off.  You know, names that everyone knows could not possibly be on there.  Like Stan’s Mom, Clem, Sean Shay, The elephant Pedro was riding in the picture, Gus, Miller with a three wood.  Etc…

Fifthly……