May 8, 2008

TERRA ALTA, WV — Fifthly, I won’t worry about whos’ going to pour all the shots of Jaeger on the first tee.  I won’t worry about the knuckleheads that drink their shot after the first toast and before they give their toast.  I won’t worry about all the people back at the tee after I tee off.  I will focus my attention to the Loozer I am riding with and my 2 playing partners.  I will listen to music and hit the big dog every chance I get.  I will put in  a big dip and begin the round.   I won’t ring the bell on 2 but I will go to the cabin to get a few refills.  Mainly, because I will be looking for my drive and will be up there anyway.  I will continue to hit 7 wood on number three and either be way over or way short depending on the wind.  I will drive by the big tree between 2 green and 3 green and I will tell the story of the year we had all the clubs stuck up it.  Even if the guy I am riding with was there and or has heard the story 10 times already.

I will relax and not worry about hitting my drive down the hill on 4.  I’ll just grip it and rip it and play it as is lays.  Then I will not worry about trying to hit safe on my second shot I will go for the green from 5 fairway.  5 sucks so I woon’t worry about how sucky that hole is and I will just enjoy the relaxing time and company.  I will probably put in a new dip at this point in time.  I’ll wave to Barney Fife as I cross the road to number 6 and I won’t worry about what club to hit.  I will just pull out my trusty 7 wood and hit it.  If it goes on great if not I won’t worry about it.

Then I will drive over to the tee box on 7 and I might little worry about hitting into the woods.  I will just try to relax probably shot gun a beer and then let the big dog eat.  I won’t worry about how long it’s taking me to look around in the woods for my ball.  I know there will still be a 45 minute gap between 2 of our groups so me holding up the guys behind us is no big deal.  I’ll drive across the road to number 8 and probably not worry about looking.  If it’s my time to go then so be it.  Whoever is riding with me hopefully is on the same departure plan.  I will once again grab the 7 wood and let’er rip then I will go over to 9 fairway and hit back to the green.  After I putt out I will write Grundo in the sand trap and not worry if anyone else see it.  It’s still funny to me everytime.  And on 9 I will take out the big dog and hit over the trees hoping for a miracle that is goes straight is long enough to reach the fairway, but not so long that it hits a car like Melick did last year and high enough to clear the trees.

Then I will finish that hole and go into the club house and not have a worry in the world about how things are going.  I will grab a pepperoni role and a Gatorade, a few beers and a pack of grilled cheese crackers.  I’ll talk to the ladies in there like they are my grandma.  I’ll make some remarks to Anne so that she feels a little love.  Probably talk about how much we don’t like the new golf pro.  Tthen as I am eating my food I’ll probably say hello to that greens keeper guy that rides the motorized scooter to work and ask him how it’s doing and if it still got 57 miles to the gallon.  Then I will finish my food put in a big dip and then pull out the 7wood for number 11…….