July 23, 2008

WHEELING, WV — Over the past five years, a new wave of competition has engulfed the world of Golfapalooza.  What Founding Father Butter once called "that stupid beanbag game", also known as Cornhole, has become a staple of Golfapalooza, as well as many Loozers' backyard cookouts. The national cornhole tournament schedule is in high gear.  Do Loozers have what it takes to compete with the best of the best?  Probably not.  However, are cornhole tournaments a great excuse to go get drunk and play cornhole for six straight hours?  Absolutely.

The World Championship of Cornhole will take place on August 1st and 2nd in Portsmouth, Ohio, with a singles tournament on Friday evening and the prestigeous doubles tournament consuming much of Saturday.  All baggers will be looking to claim the $1,000 first prize, and more importantly, a pair of matching Champion's Belts so cool they would make any WWE champ jealous.  Loozers JT Thomas and GStan Kaniecki participated in last year's event and finished in a disappointing tie for 17th place.

"We felt pretty good heading into the World's last year," said Thomas, "but GStan really sucked. That's really the only way I can describe it.  He sucked with a capital S.  It made my eyes bleed just watching him."  GStan has offered similar comments on JT's performance.  The owners of the last 3 Golfapalooza King of Corn titles will reportedly put aside their repeated mutual accusations of suckiness to compete together once again as a team this summer.

"We are foregoing the World's this year to concentrate on qualifying for the American Cornhole Organization (ACO) sanctioned National Cornhole Championship to take place in Las Vegas in January, 2009," said a visibly pumped GStan.  They will get their chance at the first annual St. John's Home for Children Charity Cornhole Tournament in Wheeling, WV to take place on August 17th at Oglebay Park.  The tournament is only accepting 64 teams and the winning team will take home a $500 cash prize, as well as airfare and hotel accomodations for the ACO National Championship.

For Loozers who think they have the bags to compete, registrations for both tournaments are still open.  For information about the Worlds, go to:

http://www.worldchampionshipofcornhole.com/

For information about the St. John's Home tournament, go to:

http://www.stjohnshomeforchildren.org/