August 5, 2008

TERRA ALTA, WV — Golfapalooza preparations are entering the crunch time phase, with less than 50 days until the practice round.  Its time for Loozers to be posting their last minute fake bad scorecards to ensure a more favorable MELC point distribution for the event.  Its time to figure out which of your children's college funds you will steal from to support your historically bad judgement at the poker table.  Its time to check your golf bag to make sure your shafts are firm and your balls are clean. Its time to poop or get off the pot and get your name out of the Rumor Mill and onto the list of Latest Signings.  

Its also time to send money to Sheiker.  But before you do, take a few moments to complete your trip options.  You must choose your shirt size, do not leave it up to the Founding Fathers to pick it for you because we will definitely choose one way to big or way too small for the purpose of our own amusement.  Brian McCormick, absent for the past several G events, was excited to discover just how much technology has been implemented to smooth out the weekend.  "The only thing I didn't like was that I was looking forward to buying one of those cool Golfapalooza robes they used to offer so I could wear it for my performance at the awards banquet.  But its probably for the best if I don't." Elvis went on to add that he's "definitely going to order some of the other cool apparel that is available."

In addition to what you can buy, Loozers also have the option to choose their preference for playing partners.  Due to the conversion from raw scores to MELC points for the 4-man and 2-man best ball, teams for the first two rounds can be very flexible without regard to player ability.  Founding Father Butter would like all Loozers to know that it is best to choose about 5 or 6 Loozers that they would like to play with and the competition committee will do its best to ensure that everyone gets to play at least one round with 2 or 3 of your top 4 or 5 choices.  Butter also added that "while its seems as though every Loozer wants to, not everyone will be able to play a round of golf with Bro."  This is in reference to the high volume of registered participants who have already selected Bro as one of their top choices.  

Bro is excited, yet not surprised, to once again be among the most popular Loozers.  "Who wouldn't want to play with me?  I've got Rookie of the Year and Most Valuable Loozer trophies on my mantle at home.  I'm BRO!  Hell, I even chose myself as my own number 1 choice of playing partners.  That's gotta tell you something about how freakin cool I am."

Options for apparell must be completed by August 22.  Options for playing partner preferences must be completed by September 10.  Failure to choose playing partner preferences results in a forfeit of your right to complain about playing partners throughout the tournament. (Yes Grandpa, that applies to you too!)