September 9, 2008

TERRA ALTA, WV — The Wilson's of Terra Alta WV are getting very excited about hosting their 10th consecutive Golfapalooza Event at Alpine Lake.  In two weeks, Wilson cabin will be available for check in and nearly 3 dozen loozers will converge at the historic landmark.  The Wilson's look forward to this weekend all year and get somewhat depressed when the event comes to a screaching hault on Sunday Morning.  "I love Golfapalooza!" Mr. Wilson explained, "My wife and I have been preparing for months.  This is not just another golf weekend for us.  This is Golfapalooza Damn it!  We freakin' can't wait!"  

Mr and Mrs Wilson have gone to extreme measures to get ready for this year's event.  Sure you have the usuals:  plenty of towels, toilet paper, firewood, hunting mags, and ash trays.  But like Mr. Wilson said, this is not just a regular golf outing.  The Wilsons have had to go the extra mile to get Wilson cabin in tournament shape.  Mrs Wilson gave a few examples, "We've remove all the batteries from the smoke alarms, stocked up on banana bread ingredients, arranged all seats in the porn room to face the TV and seats in the other room to face the mirror in the porn room, and we've even cut some of the weeds leading to #2 fairway so the boys can come to the cabin and stock up on beer and pop tarts."

The cabin is not the only thing they have been preparing.  "Mrs Wilson and myself have been in training ourselves.  You have to be in tip top shape for this weekend and we have learned over the years, this takes preparation.  Over the past several months we have hosted several special groups just to get us into tournament mode.  We had a swingers group in for three days to get us used to the moaning and screaming that will be pouring out of the porn room.  The Delta Chi fraternity held their hell week here a few weeks back to give us a small taste of the party atmosphere we will be experiencing.  We also invited the American Cigar Smokers Association (ACSA) to hold it's annual championship here to help prepare our lungs.  But most importantly, we have hired a roofing company to work around the clock the week leading up to GXII.  We don't need a roof or anything, but every three seconds one of them has to hammer down on the roof 24 hours a day to simulate the sweet sound of corn bags hitting the board!"

"We have done all we can do.  I just hope it was enough.  I can't wait to see all the boys, especially Mr. Randy Watsonnnnnnnnnnnn...ah!!  Good luck on that Ace Bro.  Oh no you ditant!  As you can see we are also trying to speak the language."