September 20, 2008

TERRA ALTA, WV — A highlight of the award ceremony is the retelling of "best line" moments throughout the weekend.  There are some sure fire ways to be in the running for one of these trophy's, here are just a few tips:

1)  Pay attention to Bro.  Sometime on Wednesday night, usually at the poker table, he'll say something funny.  Then he'll say it again.  and again.  It will become his slogan for the weekend, and will surely find its way into the lore that is G.  Now, the tricky part for the award is to use some variation of Bro's slogan to make fun of someone.  Preferably one of the easier targets like Grandpa or Winthorp.

2)  Stay close to JT.  Since Max has decided that G is not for him, JT is the next funniest thing. Be careful though!!  Sometimes JT actually brings material with him, and it turns out to be not so funny.  Applying large quantities of liquor/pot will bring out the funny fu@k that is JT.

3)  Make fun of Boland's height.  While clearly not the shortest attendee at G, there seems to be an odd correlation between his height and humor.  Good for at least a nomination if you can tie it into "dorf on golf".

4)  Throw in a good Patio joke.  Mention something about missing our token man of color, or something to that effect.  I'm sure somehow mentioning Obama/Patio in the same reference will garner a vote or 2 with the Founding Fathers.

5)  Butter's Mom, or anybody's Mom for that matter.  Careful how you set this one up, cause it might just come back on you faster than a Greg Long foot wedge.  Butter is quick with returning a small jab with a "knock you the phuck out" uppercut.  If you're gonna go after the big dog (and by big I mean fat) you'd better bring your "A" game.  

6)  Keep 1 eye on the porn.  Always a good place to find a best line attendee, especially if you can reference Dosky, Dosky's wife, or the midget.

7)  Keep 1 eye on Brent.  He will surely do something stupid or inane and pointing this out for everyone to see will garner you some Founding Father votes as they all hate him anyway.

8)  Butcher Quackenbush's name in some fashion.  While this will not get you any awards, it's still phucking funny.

Remember, anyone can be funny if you're (or they're) drunk enough!!