September 23, 2008

TERRA ALTA, WV — At Tuesday morning's Golfapalooza GXII media session, Founding Father Brent Kaniecki skocked this year's playing field with the promise of a complete behavior reformation.  Founding Father Gus Sokos will immediately assume the responsibilities of hazing the rookies.

"I know that I am goddamn hilarious and that people expect me to be "on" as soon as I arrive at Alpine Lake.  But there's got to be a greater satisfaction out there than offering shallow, degrading, fairly obvious insults about most of the Loozers", Kaniecki opened.

"Does it really matter if Butter knows how many times I've been with his mom?, Patch pondered.  "I spend 360 days out of the year making Grandpa Al feel like a complete degenerate.  I can take a fews days off at GXII."

He reminisced, "It's been a great ride, I have to admit.  I've urinated on people.  Knocked Watson on his a$$ on more than one occasion.  And even dumped a half-full cooler of backwash, bong-resin and tobacco spit on somebody's head."

Kaniecki went on with assurances of less F-bombs echoing the foothills of the Appalachins and more hugs, high-fives, and chest pumps.

How will Golfapalooza Nation react when they hear me say, "Butter, you look great.  Have you lost weight?"  Or, "Man JT, your swing looks fantastic!"