February 9, 2004

COLUMBUS, OH — The Carl Spackler Open?s own Don McFarland, Director of Pizza and Sergeant of Arms, is the muscle to Don Creighton, Vice President of Player Discipline.  Despite McFarland?s toughness, he has had some trouble keeping is golf game consistent.

?It is hard to concentrate on it right now.  The Dolphins missed the playoffs again,? he recently commented when contacted by phone.  McFarland has refused to discuss either is golf game or his beloved Dolphins lately.  

His swing varied so much in 2003 that his NOOG-point scoring soared at times to 42 then later sunk to an all-time low of 22 thus proving that ?you never know what your going to get.?  When asked what could contribute to this, he simply put it, ?I don?t know.?

Speirkee, who liked to dribble a basketball on the cottage decks last year and was stopped on several occasions from trying to climb into sleeping field members' beds, admitted, ?I?ve got to learn to concentrate on my game.?

If he is unable to get it together by June, the field will see that Stupid is as Stupid does.  The field of tournament players is scheduled to invade Tanglewood Park?s Championship course in North Carolina on June 10th.