July 25, 2009

TERRA ALTA, WV — Nice Ricky Bobby quote in the last article.  "If you aint first, you're last".  At Golfapalooza we will all be trying to be first at something.  JT will try to be the first arrival.  Grandpa Al will try to be first in bed each night.  Gus will try to be first to be last.  Slick will try to be first in the loudest music contest (tough to beat last year).  Dosky will be going for an unprecedented 10th straight Gash award (He's already won by the way).  Sleepy will attempt to win the elusive King of Corn Title (Heard he is at the top of his game).  Kerchak will be trying to be the first Loozer ever to fully fund law school exclusively with poker earnings.

Many a first has taken place in the "Hallowed Hills" of Terra Alta at Golfapalooza events past.  Squib was the first Loozer rushed to the hospital with near death alcohol poisoning only to tailgate at a Steeler game less than 12 hours later (Bernie tried to equal the feat two years ago but the attempt was thwarted by a caring Kerchak).  KGB has "pissed off" many a loozer, but little remember that he was also the first Loozer to "piss on" another Loozer!!  Gotta love beer pong (when you're first, you're last!!!)  Gus and Butter staged the first Wrestlemania event ever held at Golfapalooza on the 9th hole after the Friday 4-man Scramble.

We could have another first at GXIII.  Never in the History of Golfapalooza has a Father/Son tandem graced the Links at one of our events.  This year may be different.  Uncle Mark is working on becoming part of Goflapalooza history.  He is trying to get his son AJ to skip a few days of school to spend quality father son time in the backwoods of WV.  Shockingly it is the 18 year old that is the voice of reason in this tandem.  "Dad, I will be in my first 3 weeks of college and you want me to cut class already?", asked a stunned AJ.  What followed was vintage Uncle Mark, "Aw, C'mon AJ, it's still like syllabus week.  I never went to college and look at me."  Nevertheless, we would love to see the breaking of the father/son barrier this year.

One Loozer was not so sure the barrier hasn't already been broken.  KGB had these remarks, "What the F&%$ are you talking about??  Al and I have been coming to this place for years together.  I married his daughter.  I call him Dad.  Put our names in the book!!"  Al was not as adament as KGB, "Look, I'm nice to him cause I love my daughter.  Truthfully, I think he's an asshole just like the rest of you do.  You can pick your nose but you can't pick your son-in-law.  Where's my Geritol?"

Either way, I will believe it when I see it.  Registration is up and I don't see his name on the list or options completed.  As a matter of fact, I don't see a lot of names up there that I should see.  Get the options filled out and the money in boys.  The rest will take care of itself.. er ..I mean Butter and Shieker will take care of the rest.