July 25, 2010

TERRA ALTA, WV — Rookie Mike Lewis is another person who has signed up for Golfapalooza XIV. A struggling golfer from northwest Pennsylvania, Lewis is a professional caretaker and poker player off the course. He will arrive to Terra Alta with lots of poker players wondering whether their days of winning any money are over.

Golfapalooza held its first of a few one-day rookie symposiums three weeks ago at Shooterz in Wierton, WV. The new draftees received a crash course on all of the dos and don'ts in their transition into Golfapalooza. The symposium focused on helping rookies adjust to life in Terra Alta by bringing in guest speakers like Squib, Adamski, and Todd Flanagan plus experts in a number of different areas to discuss various issues such as alcohol poisoning and gambling addiction.

The meeting helps set the tone for what the rookies can expect in their first year, using a blend of motivational seminar, boot camp, and 'Scared Straight,' cautionary tales.

The second segment of the symposium focuses on interviewing the rookies and learning a little about their character. Mike Lewis was asked to explain his high ranking as a poker player.

"I do not like these types of questions that require me to be humble," said Lewis. "I almost never lose at poker, which I guess makes me good. Next question please."

"You sound a little arrogant," said the interviewer. "Do you trash talk at the table?" Lewis replied, "Trash talking is a natural part of poker, mainly because it is a game which involves equal parts psychology and bluff: rattling your opponents is always a good thing, especially if it pushes them into making mistakes."

"JT tells us you carry around a body bag. Tell me about that," said the interviewer. Lewis replied, "I carry a bag around because drunk people really find them entertaining. In addition, JT told me that Golfapalooza has come close a few times to needing a body bag. I heard about Carder (a.k.a. Bernie) and some guy who was rushed to the hospital. If you have a doctor, he can declare someone dead and I can take it from there."

"Greg Garrett tells me your golf game is terrible," says the interviewer. "He says Rick Dosky's game is clearly better. Is this true?"

Lewis replied, "Yes. I have hung in there with Rick on a few occasions, but his game always pulls away on the back nine. He is too consistent for me to compete."

"Pat Boland tells us you shot a 105-over 177 at the Carl Spackler Open," says the interviewer. "How does someone do that?" Lewis replied, "I think that is an unfair question. I was passed out by Hole 4 and did not wake up until puking at the 10th green. I did shoot 85 on the back nine and could barely see or walk. I think that is somewhat impressive. It was hot and the course was brutal."

To be continued...