August 11, 2010

TERRA ALTA, WV — With a patch on his eye and more than a few 'arrrrgh's', Pat Boland more than dominated the inaugural 'Hurricane Classic' over the weekend as he prepares for Golfapalooza XIV. Boland, the second player in history to wear a patch, saw much success with just one eye.

Boland scored three birdies at Stonecrest Golf Course on Sunday worth 30 points. "He was playing out his ass," says Greg Garrett of Boland's 84-point round. "The four hockeysticks were the only tangible things that will keep a stanger from considering Boland a scratch golfer. The patch served him well out there today."

StoneCrest Golf Course in Prestonsburg, KY is municipally owned and was developed as part of a reclaimed surface coal mine. The views from the golf course in all directions is as much as 50 miles. The golf course is generally flat, however there are holes that drop as much as 170 feet.

Boland, who played as a pirate because of a Kentucky bar skuffle that left him with a bruised eye, carded 5 pars and 3 birdies during his round.

"Arrrrgh!" yelled Boland after birding the 5th hole. "You guys might as well walk the plank. How many skins is that now?"

Boland shot a 14-over 86 and 84 points. Greg Long, a.k.a. Slick, shot a round best 12-over 84 with 8-over par coming on the first 4 holes.

"He got too drunk and too loud for the red necks," said Garrett with a smile. "He probably did not deserve a punch, but he will be OK."

Boland was asked about the patch. "Some red neck doctor cleared my eye for golf and gave me the patch to hide the embarrassment," said Boland. "I think the patch served me well. Brent (a.k.a. Patch) should go back to the patch. The one-eyed swing initially handicaps me into additional focus, which is a good trade for just an eye. The additional focus translated into incredible ball striking. Arrrrgh!"

The bar skuffle was the first for Boland, a.k.a. Hurricane, since his trip to Texas four months ago. "The red necks are much faster than the bikers," said Boland of the punch. "I need to spend more time in the hotels."

The skuffle occurred in the courtyard at Reno's where partrons can play cornhole. Boland was confronted about playing on 'their boards' where Boland said, "You were not here. We are here now. Take your red neck ass over to the other side and we play one game for the boards."

The very quick skuffle was reported in the local newspaper as strikingly similar to Vincent Gambino's quick skuffle with a red neck in the movie, 'My Cousin Vinny'.

"The biggest surprise was not the skuffle," said Garrett. "It was the red neck. His frame was very lean and he must have some growth problems. He was about 8 inches taller than your average midget."

Pat Boland has since discarded the patch, however plans to wear the patch when lacking focus on the golf course. "I am a firm believer in the patch. It will be my secret weapon come mid-September."

Golfapalooza begins on September 22. Boland will pass through eastern Kentucky on his way to Terra Alta. There is no word whether a rematch will take place in Prestonsburg, KY.