September 2, 2010

TERRA ALTA, WV — Golfapalooza Founding Father Brent "KGB" Kaniecki released a statement Thursday morning that the itinerary and notebook sections of the Golfapalooza XIV website have been updated to reflect the most current information available. Loozers can find the itinerary under the 'Calendar' tab and can access notebook entries under the 'Notes' tab. "Most of the field might find this information a little repetitive and obvious, as not a whole lot changes at a G-event from year to year," explained KGB. "However, it will definitely help rookies, sophomores and others who have had prolonged absences prepare mentally, physically and emotionally for the very demanding schedule."

KGB also explained that the one new aspect of the itinerary for 2010, while not specifically noted therein, is that the schedule has been reviewed and approved by both the Office of the Medical Director and the Legal Department at Golfapalooza Corporate Headquarters. "The Medical Director has assured us that nothing listed in the itinerary, as it is currently written, poses an obvious health risk, including the optional 16 hours total scheduled sleep time for the 4 days and the 30-plus hours of 'open beer pong table.' Additionally, the Legal Department has confirmed that the Golfapalooza organization will not be held responsible for any accidental death or dismemberment of a participant, as such an event would only come about as a result of a particpant's personal choice to wrecklessly disregard the obviously safe itinerary in favor something more dangerous."

Veteran Patrick "Hurricane" Boland was leas than enthused about the release. "I don't know why they even publish this stuff year after year," snarked 'Cane. "It's pretty much a copy and paste from the last 3 years. If they want to publish something useful, they should put out a list of rules for all the card games we play for guys like Bartlett." Actually, a future notebook entry on the most popular Golfapalooza card games is in the works, but all of the Founding Fathers agree that such a list will be of little to no help to Bartlett.

Board Member James "JT" Thomas has also weighed in regarding the notebook. Thomas encouraged Loozers to check in on the notebook every few days, or at least once a week, in the weeks leading up to the event, as additional helpful information will be posted. Thomas is working on an entry explaining the Cornhole Calcutta Auction and Cornhole Singles and Doubles formats, which is expected to be published next week.