September 13, 2010

TERRA ALTA, WV — The Golfapalooza Founding Fathers are pleased to announce that the pairings and tee times for all golf from Wednesday’s practice round through Friday evening’s 4-man 9-hole scramble have been released. “This is a really exciting day leading up to the tournament” explains veteran competitor Pat “Hurricane” Boland. “Other than the actual event itself, this is probably my favorite Golfapalooza day. Everyone knows that I love the trash talking, and the pairings release date always presents a great opportunity for trash talking.”

Mr. Randy Watson of Jackson Heights, NY was quick to get the trash talking started. “This is a pretty interesting field we have this year. I’m happy to see that 2 of our 3 rookies are showing up for the practice round. Not much to comment about Wednesday, since most of the gambling is decided within each group on the course. Reading Thursday’s list made me laugh out loud. Are you serious? An entire group of left-handers together? And they’re drinking Jungle Juice? Does Golfapalooza keep track of the worst 4-Man Best Ball scores ever? The only team that has a prayer of competing with us is Whitey, JT, Garrett and Monte. But their success will depend on the answer to a question we all seem to be asking every year at this time: ‘which JT Thomas is going to show up this year?’“ Whitey is the only returning member from last year’s champion 4-Man Best Ball team.

Randy continued with his thoughts on the Friday teams. “Friday gets a little tougher to predict, because the talent is spread much thinner among 14 teams instead of only 7. Sleepy and I are definitely going to win, but it’s going to be close. I’m just wondering which teams are going to make it close enough for the chase to be fun. On Friday, I look for the teams with the most major tournament experience to shine. We’re going to be watching the Sheik/Sizetenshoeski, GStan/KGB and Butter/Bro groups very closely on the leaderboard. Right after we get done doing Butter’s and Bro’s moms. Ooooohhhhh!!!! I’m also wondering who thought it would be a good idea to put possibly the most docile and polite Loozer in history, Walt, with the only Loozer who’s ever done hard time, Spanky. That group has some potential. Potential for what? I don’t know. But they’ve got potential.” The defending 2-Man Best Ball Champs, Stacey Bartlett and, well, Stacey Bartlett won it by himself, is not competing this year.

Finally we were able to get Randy’s take on the volatile 4-Man Scramble. “I don’t know what our chances are in this, and I don’t care. What I’m really interested in is having those frikkin Kanieckis bogey every hole. They’ve won 2 in a row and nothing would ruin my Friday evening more than listening to them hoot and holler their way to a 3rd straight title. I’d like to shove a frikkin birdie horn right up each of their…” Easy there Mr. Randy Watson. This is a family-friendly website.

So there you have it. Click on “Teams and Pairings” on the website for a complete listing of Wednesday through Friday golf pairings. Saturday pairings and times are not released until golf is complete on Friday. GXIV practice round starts in only 9 days.