May 8, 2012

TERRA ALTA, WV — With 134 days remaining until GXVI, many questions have been on the minds of Loozers: will GStan break 4 hours in the Pittsburgh Marathon? (yes); will the Wilson house be the center of the Golfapalooza universe for the 14th year in a row? (of course); will Bartlett be back? (who knows?)

Over the years many Loozers have come and gone like the wind in the night. It started with Cocker at GI. Cocker missed the first round of GI at Twin Falls because he had only taken over his dad's dental practice two months before and felt guilty taking off two days in a row. Cocker pulled in to the cabin long enough to round up Squib, Gus and Grundo and drove them to one of Beckley's finer establishments for the evening. Cocker played round 2 on Friday, stayed Friday night but left early Saturday morning to pick up a wood planer and go to his dad's retirement dinner. He was never seen at a G event again. Two of Butter's original neighbors, Shay and Davis, made appearances at GII and GIII then fell off the face of the earth. Butter's new neighbor Cross attended one year, missed the next year for a family reunion, then sold his house to Spyder the following year and was never heard from again. At least one good thing came out of it: SPYDER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Which brings us to the latest Loozer to miss a couple G events in a row: Bartlett. Back in the day you could set your watch to Bartlett; he'd roll in to the cabin around 1:30 am from Cincinnati, sit down at the card table til 4:30, sleep in his designated chair by the fireplace for a few hours, then get up and make eggs that may or may not have cigarette ashes in them. One other thing you could count on was horrible golf littered with just enough good shots for you to ask, "how the hell did Bartlett get 57 points today?" However, GXIV and GXV have been without Bartlett's presence; GXIV due to a neighbor getting married, GXV due to work conflicts. Will he return? Opinions vary.

Sheik had this to say about Bartlett. "When I brought Bartlett to GIII, I had no idea what to expect. I knew the guy liked to drink and play golf. I also knew he was in a dart league in Morgantown. Did I expect him to have the impact he did on G? No way. Do I think he'll be back? Yes." Others had varied opinions. Butter gave his usual response when asked his opinion. "We have G at the same place around the same time every year. If you can fit it in your schedule we'd love to see you, if not go to hell and maybe we'll see you next year!" Kid was more optimistic about Bartlett's chances. "I don't know what the big deal is. Sizeten was gone for five years and he came back. Spanky was gone for five years too and he's back as well; I don't care if he wasn't legally able to attend, the point is that guys miss for a while and return."

What we do know is that the dates are set, houses are booked, tee times are made and some tweaks to the weekend schedule are in order. Those tweaks will be announced over the next nineteen weeks.

Editorial note: It was learned on May 13 that Bartlett's wife is due with their second kid in early August. How this may impact his attendance is up in the air.