August 11, 2016

POWELL, OH — Butter Flanagan stepped to the podium tonight to make the long awaited announcement on the captains for the KGB Cup. "For the last few months, I've been feeling like there's been some unfinished business with how GXVIIII ended," Butter said to begin his remarks. "In all the years we've been doing this tournament, it has always finished with a clear winner. Some years the leaderboard was really bunched together, other years there was a runaway title, but there was always a winner. The Founding Fathers and other Board members never thought we would need a tiebreaker. Because nothing had ever been set, last year had to finish in a tie."

"Since I am the winning captain of the 2015 KGB Cup team (sorry Bro), it is my job to appoint the captains for this year's event. It is my honor to announce that this year's captains are my neighbor and good friend Spyder, and my cousin and good friend Spanky, the co-winners of GXVIIII. Boys, consider this your GXVIIII tiebreaker!"

Spanky was asked for comment on this prestigious honor. "I just happened to be in Columbus because I had a craving for my favorite Japanese restaurant up here. I just want to say that while I respect Spyder I want everyone involved to know that Spyder stole the MELC right out from under me by sneaking a tie in there.   With that said my team in the KGB Cup will completely smash Spyder's team. It's not even going to be a contest!"

Spyder was unavailable for comment as he was out on a job site. However, he left the following note with Butter: "I greatly appreciate the offer to be a captain in the KGB Cup. Spanky was a noble opponent last year and I expect him to be the same again in this match. That being said, Yeah I'm confident that my team will be winning the KGB cup.  As a great man once said, 'It's easy to grin / When your ship comes in / And you've got the stock market beat. / But the man worthwhile, / Is the man who can smile, / When his shorts are too tight in the seat.' I'm going to be smiling all the way to the title. It's on!"

34 days remain until the start of GXX. Teams will be selected after the options period ends and the captains schedule a selection meeting.