September 10, 2016

TERRA ALTA, WV — With Killer and JT on opposite teams for the KGB Cup, we decided to invite them back to perform their analysis on the groups as they did last year. Part 1 will include the first three tee times; Part 2 will wrap up the final three groups and their determination of the winner.

Spyder/GStan vs Spanky/Butter

Killer

The KGB cup couldn't start with a better matchup for team Spyderrrr! Spyder will be getting 35 shots and if there is one thing that Spyder loves, it is shots. He won't waste one of them. GStan, the George Washington of the Founding Fathers of Golfapalooza will lead this battle like it's the Battle of Trenton. He will show these kissing cousins how 19 years of good playing (by G standards) can prepare you for a victory. Swanky on the other hand can't be more unprepared for this match. As the married G members know, marriage is like a prison and Swanky now knows both versions of prison as he's just wed his baby momma. Couple this with the orange shirts his team is wearing and you have to conclude Swanky will have more on his mind than his swing. I don't foresee him bending down to read any putts during this match. His partner Butter won't have any answer to this opponent either. His game isn't what it used to be and it wasn't good to start with. Spyderrrr 5 Swanky 0

JT - Two of the smoothest swings at G vs two of the odds on favorites for the Squib award every year???  This one doesn't really deserve my time but there is way too much good material to waste!!! Spanky may have missed a few G's in the middle years but he certainly boosted his mental game during that time. How do you rattle a guy with mindless golf games after five years of unpaid vacation??  You don't!! Not sure how he does it, but Butta's swing is like a fine wine. It gets better with age (and weight)!!  These two have proved time and again to be tough match ups and now they are paired together!!!  Just unfair!! GStan looks forward to this weekend as much as any of us!!  He's always said, it's not about the golf!!  Thank God!!  You'd think after 20 years this guy could muster a little more hardware than a couple of Squibs and a few King of Corn gifts!!  How do you pair a guy who can't say no with a guy who carries a double holster for his bottles of Patron???  Who does that???  Oh......THE GUY WITH THE PATRON!!!  Looks like Spyder was looking for a drinking buddy and not someone to pick up the slack from his banana slice. Prediction: Lots of trees, sawgrass and bottoms up from Spyder and G spells a sweep for the superior duo of Swanky and Butta!!  Swanky 5 Spyder 0

Whitey/BDubs vs. Quack/RG2

Killer - Spyder knew what he was doing when he put these two guys together. Whitey will be getting his belt buckle this year and is ready to show his true potential on the course. With whitey reading putts for BDubs, he will turn BDubs 40 strokes into gold. Quack's a good golfer in his own right but he will be thinking about his new job (which he'll probably stay at for no longer than 3 months) instead of helping RG2 who is definitely the weaker RG when it comes to golf. Quack better be ready to start looking for balls, RG2 will need his help. No question about this one. Spydderrrr 5 Swanky 0

JT - Whitey and a Rookie???  Great way to break BDubs out of his rookie shell!!  At least we know they won't be breaking any noise ordinances!!  Whitey's golf game can intimidate every Loozer but one.... Quack!!  Never thought I'd hear these words come out of my mouth but Spanky is a genius!!  Putting the one guy who can rattle Whitey in his group will prove to be the turning point here. We all know what this track and this kind of pressure do to rookies. BDubs will be no different!!  Maybe shoot for the Squib or a best line or something. Golf awards are not in the cards for year one. RG2 no longer has the pressure of breaking 92 hanging over him. We all know that's not going to happen so all bets are off this year. Without the mental pressure Spanky has put on him in the past, look for this half of TEAM GREEN to finally show what he can do. As for Quack, he's QUACK. The consistency will continue here. Look for him to get comfortable over the five day event. After all, it will be the longest he's done the same thing for the last several years!!  Congrats on the new job!!

Prediction:  Killer got it right!!  5-0 but in favor of Team Swanky!!

Bro/Winthorp vs. KGB/Monte

Killer - Team MVL vs. Team DOTY Spyder's pairing in this match is with two of the members who'd definitely be voted class clown if Golfapalooza was a high school. Bro will have the music and Winthorp will have the ashtray 20s for the booze for this team party. Winthorp can play and the only thing sweeter than Bro's 7 wood approach on 17 is his 7 wood tee shot on 18. As for team Swanky in this group, what can I say? There is no way this group can finish the round. Monte is a bad golfer and KGB won't be able to contain himself after two holes. I have visions of Monte pulling a Kerchak and choking the life out of KGB by the sixth hole. Who's going to win this one? That's a clown question, Bro Spyderrrr 5 Swanky 0

JT - How do you offset everybody's favorite playlist, cool fedoras, loudmouth pants, ashtray money, cool sayings, rookie of the year, two time MVL (yes I'm talking about only two guys)???? ............You offset it with chaos and noise!!!!  Who can create more chaos and noise than KGB and Monte???? Nobody!!!!!!  There ain't enough magic in that seven wood or enough electric in those awful prints to give Bro and Winthorp a chance here. I actually would pay money to follow this foursome for 18 holes!!!  Pure entertainment!!  I just hope someone gets the "Fedora stomping sequel" on video!!!  

Prediction: the only worry here is "Will Monte kill Patch before the 18 holes are up?"  That would be a forfeit!!! Gotta agree with Killer here. Not enough love was created aboard Monte's fire boat that day in the harbor. So long KGB!! It was nice knowing you!!! 5-0 to Spyder!!!  Ughhhh!!!

Part 2 to follow on September 12.