September 12, 2016

TERRA ALTA, WV — After the first half of predictions, Killer has Team Spyder up 15-0 while JT has Team Spanky up 10-5. How will it end? Let's see.

BoMan/Dosky vs. JT/Sleepy

Killer - I really like what Spyder did here. Cane can golf, and will take this match more seriously than anyone on the course. I predict he'll come up Big in this match. Dosky is sneaky good, he drives the ball with the best of them and will have no trouble with this pair. JT and Sleepy won't have the Fire they'll need to compete in this match. Sleepy will be passed out on the back nine and JT will be on his phone with the insurance company the whole time. Sleepy and JT will come up Short here.

Spyderrrr 5 Swanky 0

JT - I've only got two words to describe this match..... STOGIE WEDNESDAY!!!! Last time JT was paired with Sleepy he fired an ungodly 79!!!!  These two just seem to bring out the best in each other. Sleepy certainly has the TOOL to get the job done. We all know that. Just ask KGB. Two hips and an artificial valve on the other side is ok for the senior tour but this is Golfapalooza baby. No senior tees here (insert Al joke here). BoMan will be reeling from the beat down on the Par #1 bet and won't recover in time to make a difference. Doskey will be too busy marking balls with his signature CFO monogram by hole 3. May win the long drive contest but you gotta put it in the hole on Wednesday!!!

Prediction: Swanky 5-0

Randy/Size10 vs. Honey/Sheiker

Killer - Spyder strikes again, Perfect teammates against this riffraff. Mr. Randy Watson is also Mr. Golfapalooza. He has the G clothes, the G tattoo, and most importantly the G golf game for this format. You put him with Size10 who beat his Butter line by more strokes than anyone last year and you have a winning combination. Size10 is getting 38 strokes and that's twice as many than he needs. Sheiker can plan a Golfapalooza trip, but playing at Alpine is not his strength. Alpine is not Blackmoor (where he shot best round ever earlier this year) and will eat him alive. Honey doesn't get enough strokes and won't have Whitey to rely on, like his past KGB matches. No question on this one. Spyderrrr 5 Swanky 0

JT - Honey is Money!!!!  Had to get that out of the way!!  Sheiker is fully recovered from his masturbation injury and the crooked wrist has straightened out Sheiker's banana. His golf game isn't bad either!!  The Sheik gets too many strokes for anyone in match play!!  The electrician has plenty of spark and swing as smooth as Butta. These two together may not be enough weight to get traction in the cart but plenty for traction on the course.

Randy will color coordinate as usual and Bill's Gaydar will be on high alert making it hard for him to concentrate!!   Slick Willy will be getting plenty of strokes but then again he needs them!!!  Randy will have his mind on too many other things to be worth a shit: 1) what shoes to wear with our pink shirts 2) how to score the scrambles 3) who to buy a team in the Calcutta without anyone noticing....

Prediction: Honey n Sheik 5-0

Killer/Walt/RG1 vs. Double G/Cunningham/Chef

Killer - What a great trio Spyder put together for his last and most important group. This group has nine points riding on it and there is no way for Team Spyder to screw this up. Killer, Walt, and RG1 are as solid as they comes when it comes to these type of matches and get a lot of strokes to guarantee a team victory. Double G, Cunningham and Chef don't get nearly enough strokes, nor have the game for this match. Chef is getting five less stokes than last year and he needs more now than he did then. Lock of the year Spyderrrr 9 Spanky 0

JT - Double G is the longest on tour!!  The other three will be in awe of his bombs and will be off their games trying to stay up off the tee. Cunningham is primed for smashing Junior year and Chef has a lot more time to concentrate on his swing.   The Agile one will be the sleeper here!!  Too many strokes for match play!!! RG1 might be the only world Champ to ever have his teeth knocked out by an inanimate object and still retain the title!!  New fathers typically do not fare well at G. Sleepless nights are not the best way to prepare for four straight sleepless nights!!! Weather seems to be in Walt's favor with the sandals but that sweater vest has gotten way too tight and will restrict an already atrocious swing!! Once again, Killer will be too hard on himself trying to single-handedly bring victory for his team. I can see it now: arms crossed, hat in one hand and leaning to the right!!!  "Damn it!!!  I can't figure out what I'm doing!!!  I never do that!!"  As he walks into the trees to retrieve yet another ball!!

Easy pickings!!  Team Swanky 9-0!!!

Final predictions Killer - Spyderrrr 34 Spanky 0

JT - Spanky 29 Spyder 5

Who will be closest? We will find out on Wednesday.