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Eleven-Time Loozer Still Waiting for Cool Nickname
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The Art of Scoring
Eleven-Time Loozer Still Waiting for Cool Nickname

July 25, 2018

DELAWARE, OH — Walt "?" Schoellmann signed for GXXII last week and is heading into his 12th Golfapalooza. Some of you may know him as "that guy who always rides with Quack", or "that guy who only wears sandals". At some point, some dyslexic Loozer rearranged the letters in his last name and tried to make "Schlomo" a thing, which never got legs. But if you check the PostStats profile on Walt, you'll find that he is just "aka Walt".

"No I'm not bitter or upset about it," explains Walt. "I just think enough time has passed that it should have happened by now. But I don't want to push it too hard because it's a real double-edged sword be careful what you wish for kind of a thing. There's no guarantee that I'll end up with something cool like "Bro" or "KGB" or "Spyderrrrrrrrrrr". I could end up stuck with something dumb like Quackenbush or Sizetenshoeski for the rest of my amateur golf career."

Founding Father Brian "Butter" Flanagan talks a little bit about the history of Golfapalooza nicknames. "This is an unpredictable group of guys that come together for this tournament every year. You never know what about someone's name or their appearance or something they've said or done is going to evolve into a nickname that sticks. And I love how when they stick, they REALLY stick - like half of these guys I don't even know what their real name is."

Butter added, "I think my favorites are Randy and Spyderrrrrrrrrrr. I love when one person starts saying "Mr. Randy..." and everyone else finishes with all three syllables of "WAT-SON-NAH!", and I love how everyone is always careful to pronounce all eleven 'r's at the end of "Spyderrrrrrrrrrr". Walt could be a tough one. He's not loud and boisterous, he never gets too wasted and he never acts like an asshole - three things which can get you a nickname really fast whether you want it or not. He doesn't talk as much as some other guys, and if I'm being completely honest there are a few guys I wish would just shut the hell up for awhile and have Walt talk more. We'll see what happens. This might be his year."

49 days! Can't wait!