August 8, 2018

TERRA ALTA, WV — Golfapalooza veteran Bill "Sizetenshoeski" Szymonski had an eventful birthday this week. For starters, a studio bio photograph from his brief but not-at-all-memorable pornography career was published on the Golfapalooza Facebook page and appropriately mercilessly roasted. Sizeten was the 'star' of several low budget out-of-the-mainstream fetish classics, including 'Size Doesn't Matter', 'Pencil in a Pringles Can' and, of course, 'I WAS IN THE POOL!!!'

Secondly, while out at a bar celebrating his birthday with manly heterosexual drinks, Sizeten was caught on a bizarre, now viral, video rant railing against the Golfapalooza Facebook cover photo. "Look at all those PINK ****ING SHIRTS!", Sizeten shouted at bar patrons who had no idea what he was talking about, adding, "like I'll wear the shirt for one day, and one picture, but does it have to be up there FOR TWO YEARS!!! This is just more proof that Golfapalooza is what I've always said it is - Gayapalooza!!!" He then repeatedly shouted Dennis Green's infamous "THEY ARE WHO WE THOUGHT THEY WERE!" about 25 times. Sizeten also bemoaned the 10-plus years absence of 'the entertainment' at Golfapalooza. Despite the negative publicity he's enduring, Sizeten is confident that this won't be a distraction from his golf game as he approaches his 16th Golfapalooza.

Fellow Class of 1998 Loozer, JT "Jambone" Thomas offered a little different take on the matter. "I'm not so sure this isn't going to affect him and his golf game. Alcohol is like a truth serum, and if this rant was evidence of how he really feels, he's going to be just as, or even more outraged, when he finds out the pink shirt group picture is soon to be replaced by an equally unmanly safety green group picture. The optics don't look good for him on paper, but we'll see what happens. That's why they play the games!"

35 days until GXXII! Can't wait!