August 19, 2021

TERRA ALTA, WV — Mark “Sleepy” Kaniecki strutted up to the podium with the confidence you can only have when you’re packing, well, you know. “As the Captain of the 2020 KGB Cup team champions, yeah, that’s right, sukkit Sizeten! Footlongs were the champions! It’s my great honor *geton’erandstayon’er* to have selected and to announce the captains for the 2021 KGB Cup. This was a task that I did not take lightly, as obviously being a KGB Cup captain is nearly as meaningful and significant as being a BSPITWA.”

Sleepy continued on, describing the criteria he was looking for in a KGB Cup captain. “Well, first of all, I was looking for guys who have never captained a KGB Cup team before. At Golfapalooza I know we like to keep as many guys as engaged as possible as much as we can, and KGB Cup captain is an opportunity for us to share the wealth. It is also an opportunity to recognize long-standing commitment to the Golfapalooza organization. Finally, I was looking for guys who would really embrace the concept of being a captain and go all in for their team. I was definitely trying to avoid guys who would be named captain multiple times and then not show up for the match and have to pick a substitute captain just days before the match. Sukkit Winthorp!”

“So without further delay, I’m happy to announce that the 2021 Golfapalooza KGB Cup Captains are Founding Father Mike “Sheiker” Long, and Walter “Walt” Schoellmann. Wait – is that right, after 13 Golfapaloozas we haven’t come up something more creative for Walter than ‘Walt’? Whatever, I’m gonna get on that, but anyway, I’m confident these guys are gonna carry on what has become a great Golfapalooza tradition.”

GStan was available for comment about the marketing strategy for this year’s competition. “I haven’t been this excited about marketing the KGB Cup since we had Killers vs. Grillers. My first immediate thought when I heard these captains choices was the obvious “Sheiks vs. Geeks”; it just rolls off the tongue doesn’t it?” When asked if he thought Walt or others might find being called the ‘Geeks’ to be offensive, GStan responded “LOL, oh wait, you’re serious – well hell NO! First, no one at Golfapalooza has been offended since the Cadbury incident, and second, who could possibly be offended by THAT? It is a badge of honor *geton’erandstayon’er*. The revolution is over – the geeks won – they rule the world now. Have you never seen Revenge of the Nerds? I consider myself a fellow geek and would be proud to have Walt draft me on his team. Sukkit Sheik! Anyway, I’m calling it Sheiks vs. Geeks until someone tells me not to, or until someone can figure out what rhymes with ‘accountant’ or ‘sommelier’.”

Look for future news regarding the KGB Cup, as Sheiker and Walt will pick their teams, pairings and team shirt colors later this month. As per tradition, the format of the KGB Cup round will be a handicapped match-play event, with 5 6-hole matches to take place within each group: AvA, BvB, AvB, BvA, and ABvAB two-man best ball. 27 days! Can’t wait!