September 14, 2021

WHEELING, WV — On the eve of the KGB Cup does anyone really expect any surprises from JT and Killer? Yeah I didn't think so either.

BDubs and Spyderrrrrrrrrrr vs Sal Pal and Larusso

JT: Sweet swinging SalPal, the steadiest of the NY contingent is paired with two time defending All Valley Karate Champion Daniel “Larusso” Kelly.  Start spreading the news!!  The Big Apple will look to show the country boys how they do it!! Look for them to do it “their way”. Not sure the Geeks will know what to do when they see the “crane” technique or the “spinning drum”.

BDubs just found his car that was swept away by flood waters in Tennessee and reeling from losing his doubles Cornhole belt after a devastating Achilles injury sustained after a freak accident where he tripped over his wife while wearing said belt. No chance he is mentally prepared for an event as prestigious as the KGB Cup. Surely not when coupled with a sure Spyderrrrrrrrrrrr bite from cart partner Kenny.  When asked about his golf game coming into GXXV, Ken simply said “I really haven’t played since last G but as long as the cup holders in the cart will fit a big bottle of Patron and two shot glasses, I really don’t care”!!  Not the mentality you want for a major.  

Sheiks 5-0

Killer: This is Sheiker’s second all-NY pairing and boy is he grasping at straws here, or is it dental floss? Dr. Sal is the vet here, and by vet I mean really old guy. Part of the NY crew leaving at 4:00 am Wednesday, Sal will be asleep in the cart by the back nine, leaving rookie Larusso on his own. Everyone knows this is not a course that is rookie friendly out of the gate.

Walt hit the jackpot with this pairing. Spyder and BDubs bonded at BroMadness before BDubs started attending G. They’ve already committed to split a jar of Adult Chocolate Milk moonshine during the round. If you’ve seen their games, getting drunk on the course can only improve their swings. Combine this with the strokes they are probably getting and this is a walkover.

Geeks 5-0

Sizeten and Padre vs Bro and Fun Dan

JT: Not sure how this draft went at all.  Looks as though Sheik took the first 17 picks and Walt got what was left?? Bro is paired with a rookie but there is no lack of chemistry between these two neighbors.  Bro routinely has Fun Dan at G’s other marquis event, BroMadness.  When not piloting commercial flights, Fun Dan is an avid golfer who was made for this event. With Bro in his cart to calm his nerves and bring the Fun Factor, I look for this duo to easily secure some big points here.  Can you say 7-wood??  I’ll take “down the middle for 175 Alex”!!

Father Dave, our spiritual leader, with our biggest sinner amongst a group of pretty good sinners??  Nice one Walt!!   Maybe Walt was going for the fun factor here putting together the reconciliation cart!! That will be two Our Father’s, a Hail Mary and a BJ young man. This one will be out of reach by the back 9. Look for Bill to leave after communion.

Sheiks 5-0

Sheiker saved the best for last (ed. note - not really). This is definitely his best terrible team. Bro is not the experienced player that who want to put with a rookie. I can just see the advice Fun Dan is going to get on each shot. 430 yards to the green - Bro suggests 7 wood.  120 yards down hill lie - Bro suggests 7 wood. Fun Dan’s only chance is he leaves the 7 wood at home or Bro may try to get him to putt with it. Fun Dan will also have to contend with the fact that Wilson cabin doesn’t have a hot tub that he can relax in, at least we won’t have to worry about him drowning.

When it comes to putting a pairing together Walt might be the best in KGB Cup history. After 18 years of attending G, Size10 is still a mystery just like his captain, and when you’re dealing with the unknown, you have to have a little faith. Is there anyone at G who better understands faith than Padre? Just like in the good book, Padre will lead this team into the promised land.

Geeks 5-0

Boland and Monte Jr vs Double G and Whitey Jr.

JT: Double G has plenty of experience at Alpine and Sheik once again puts a seasoned vet with one of his rookies, although this is a rookie that may not need much help. Whitey has always been known as the “chosen one” to put the Golf in Golfapalooza.  But now his brother comes in sporting a lower handicap??   Jeeeeeeeezus!!!  Momma White must have hung around the trailers at PGA events. The Geeks not only have to deal with the consistent pars from the Jack Bauer look alike but also the demoralizing length of Double G.  This guy is longer than Ron Jeremy!!  Big Red and Kiefer will win this on the intimidation factor.

MicroMonte returns for his sophomore season and gets paired with MicroBoland.  Hopefully those bears on the tee boxes aren’t holding signs that say “you must be at least this tall to play this course”.  Boland, already struggling with the driver coming into G, may be too preoccupied being the giant in his pairing.  Not too much is unfamiliar to Pat at G, but this will be a first for him. MJ has been heard off camera saying he’s only coming for the beer pong. His mind is not in the right spot for the KGB Cup. When asked why he did not attend the mandatory press conference before the event, he replied “I was there the whole time. Just behind the podium.  I was wondering why none of you asked me any questions”!!

Sheiks 5-0

Kiler: If Walt was trying to put together the shortest KGB Cup team in history he made a great run at doing so. Boland knows he can’t measure up to Whitey Jr. and Double G (avg. height 6’2”) on the growth chart, which explains all the golf he’s been playing with the St. Louis crew this summer. He’s bringing his A game to Golfapalooza. Monte Jr. brings a compact swing with a low center of gravity to Alpine Lake along with experience playing on the hills in Vermonte. Expect this team to fly under the radar to victory.

Once again Sheiker combined experience and a rookie in a pairing. On the surface this looks like a well balanced team until you dig beneath the surface. Double G is a guy who has literally hit it everywhere on this course. He’s been 110 out off the tee on 11 and hit it 110 yards off the tee on the same hole. He’s going to spend the whole round telling Whitey Jr., a good golfer according to the website, where not to hit it. Eventually these bad swing thoughts are going to leak into Whitey Jr’s game to the point where no one is safe on the hillside when he tees off on 18. Whitey Jr. may steal a match early on but that’s it.

Geeks 4.5 - 0.5

Good luck to both teams. Can't wait!!!!!