November 5, 2004

AMBRIDGE, PA — "Not satisfied with having less offspring than the Longs and Bertrams, I have planted the seed once again and come June of 2005," said Rob Fustich after returning from the doctor.  "That's right, I said June of next year.  Another goofy looking kid with big ears will be welcomed into the world."

Fustich becomes the first victim of "Red Zone Violation" season which started last week and carries through the next three weeks.  "Due to casualty of my stupidity, I will most likely will not make it to the big tournament.  It hurts because I was planning a big jump from 46th place.  Anyway, I hope everyone is doing well and I'm looking forward to seeing everyone in 2006."

This immediately alerted the Captains Club that Rob had been naughty in the Red Zone and was jeopardizing the next Spackler Open Championship.

"We are very concerned", said Greg Long. "Why can't everyone not score in the Red Zone like Penn State this year?  There are 11 other months to score."

"He must be deaf", shouted Dilks regarding member Fustich. Despite the Captains Club repeated warnings about avoiding Red Zone contact, rumor has it that Rob has been dancing his way in and out of it.

"I cannot imagine taking that kind of risk. It is like playing Russian Roulette with a pistol only missing one bullet," stated Matt Davis. "I was under the impression that we had these guys under control. Obviously, I stand corrected."

Long and Davis are planning a multi-state tour educating the field about the risks of the Red Zone, how to drink responsibly around their wives and when they can begin "playing ball" again.