January 27, 2005

PITTSBURGH, PA — Matt Davis, aka Pokey or Shoe, has lived up to his reputation of injuring himself yet again.  Matt decided to snowblow his driveway on this past Sunday.  It is unknown how the man with bones of balsa injured himself but it is rumored that alcohol was a contributing factor.

The Spackler Business Office received an e-mail from Matt indicating that his tournament participation was in jeopardy.  Matt provided the following in his e-mail, "I have to see a hand specialist at noon today to determine a course of action. I had to have 3 stitches put into my left index finger. The major problem is that I have 3 broken fingers all at the tips and stems, and also my index finger at the joint."  

Mike Davis, also known as OT, commented, "As a law enforcement officer, I always stress safety first.  I just wish I would have been there to prevent this horrible winter tragedy.  However, it is my brother and I've been protecting his body from himself for years.  What do you expect?"

Matt could not be reached for further comment regarding his injury as he was at Heinz Field watching the Steeler debacle in the AFC Championship game.  The Spackler News Network has received an influx of inquiries as to the condition of one of Carl's favorite field participants.  Jason Dilks, the anchor for SNN, stated, "There are several unconfirmed reports that Matt almost killed himself while trying to save a squirrel from chasing a loose nut under his machine.  Now that is a hero in my book."

The SNN office stated that it will keep the field informed on the rehabilitation of Matt Davis.  Carl Spackler himself issued a written statement, "I would warn the rest of the field not to follow in Mr. Davis' footsteps.  Please refrain from sticking your hands in the moving parts of any machines."