March 14, 2005

ROCKY MOUNT, NC — After months of investigation by this beat reporter, rumors of the formation of an elite tactical golf unit within the Carl Spackler Organization have finally been confirmed.  It has come to light that Captains Club member Jeremy Myers is the head of this elite tactical golf unit.

When confronted at their base of operation, Area 51A, Myers stated, "Yes, I am heading this unit.  My unit will conduct clandestine operations that the Captains Club legally can not."

Myers further stated, "This unit is an elite group that shows the strength of the Carl Spackler Organization.  Our mere presence often intimidates the masses of sheep to either step up or step aside.  It is the intent of the unit to make eligible golfers see the light and become a part of the most prestigious golf event in the world.  If they choose not to, it is simply a coincidence that they can never physically golf again."

This reporter has further discovered that this elite tactical golf unit is codenamed, "The Spackler Panthers".  They are identifiable by their characteristic uniforms: black sunglasses, black turtleneck, black kangol, and black batons as well as having a very disagreeable demeanor.  

When other Captains Club members were asked about this group, they could neither confirm nor deny the existence of such a unit.  Captains Club member Jason Dilks told me in confidence "that if they find out I even talked to you, my life may be danger".

That is it from this beat reporter. I must now go into hiding similar to Steve Bartman to avoid retribution for divulging such a closely guarded secret.