June 9, 2002

WHEELING, WV — Golfapalooza officially announced today, the creation of a new award to be presented at the 2002 outing at Alpine Lake.  The JT Thomas award shall recognize the Loozer whose golfing skills have diminished most profoundly since the previous Golfapalooza or over a series of several Golfapalooza events.  Gus Sokos, speaking on behalf of the Board Members, held a press conference saying "we have felt for quite some time now that too many Golfapalooza awards were focused on rewarding people who play golf well, despite the fact that the spirit of Golfapalooza is really about people who suck at golf; and now those who suck will have something else to shoot for."

Board Member and award namesake, JT Thomas also spoke at the press conference.  "I am so honored that the Board Members approved the creation of this award.  For several years now I have suffered as my skills have gone down the toilet.  Golfing poorly is bearable, but sitting down at the awards banquet, knowing my name would never be called has been very difficult for me.  I've even stooped to carrying a large camera and calling myself "the official photographer" just to get noticed.  Well I don't have to be ashamed anymore."  When asked if he thought he could win the inaugural JT Thomas Award, JT stated simply "you ain't seen nothin' yet."

Schlitzmaltliquorski was the lone Board Member voting against the creation of the award, stating "as far as I'm concerned, there are only two ways to spend Golfapalooza's money, liquor and liquor, and every dollar spent on anything else is just more evidence proving these guys are a bunch of Loozers."