February 13, 2003

ASHTABULA, OH — The Carl Spackler Open Championship is the fastest growing tournament in the world, according to the independent accounting firm Andersen Consulting.  The CSOC, held at the hellishly long Reserve at Thunder Hill in Madison, Ohio this year, is only in its third year of existence, but already boasts a 69% increase in qualified participants from last year.

Currently, there are 26 players traveling to the Madison location, up from 18 the year before and from 9 in its first year of inception, reflecting a 100% increase from the first to its second year.  The tournament is averaging 8.5 additional commitments per year.  By using this average as the model, it?s possible the CSOC could more than double its current tally of 26 players by the year 2007 to 60 players.  When using the 19% increase in percentage points between the second and third years as the baseline, the field still doubles itself to 52 by 2007.

If Carl Spackler was excited with the news, he certainly wasn?t about to let anyone know.  ?I?m pleased.  I knew that this tournament would be popular, and I never thought we could nearly triple the number of players this year from our first year of existence.  We have made some progress, but that shouldn?t lull anyone into a false sense of security, because we?ve got a long way to go, baby.  I simply will not tolerate any complacency around here, and I?ve made that message loud and clear, even to Tiger Woods.  Everyone should be concerned about these other numbers that I have right here in my hands.?

Spackler was right.  According to SNN, the field is broken down into the following groups: there is the full complement of 10 (39% of the field) CSOC Captain?s Club Members, 4 (15%) CSOC Members, and a record 12 (46%) CSOC Rookies registered for the tournament.  There are 89 players registered with the website, but only 26 players are going to the 2003 CSOC tournament.  This clearly shows there are 63 players who need to enter Pokey?s Whipped Rehabilitation Program, P.W.R.P. for short.  Any players requiring this support system should contact Matt ?Pokey? Davis, VP of Kitchen Pass Allocation, via the CSOC website support link:  carl@carlspackleropen.com.  In an effort to serve you more efficiently, please enter PWRP in the Subject Line of the e-mail.

Pokey appeared to be taking the news in stride.  ?Well, that?s to be expected with a new organization.  We?ve got a lot of people that need guidance as we get our act together, but we?re already giving the PGA Tour people a run for their money.  Hopefully, I won?t have to send too many people over to Escobar (Don Creighton, VP of Player Discipline).?  ?That sure is a large number of people with disciplinary issues.  I might have to check my headcount after hearing this news,? said Creighton.