June 11, 2003

WHEELING, WV — A press conference was held today in Wheeling to discuss the light response so far to signing up for GVII. Sheiker stepped to the podium and gave the financial highlights. "So far we've only had six people send money in for this year's event. We mailed out almost forty letters this year. I'm not too concerned though. It's a tough economy out there right now; plus the Spackler Open is this weekend. The only reason I'm paid in full right now is because I got a refund on my mortgage escrow account. I remain very optimistic, bullish even, that we will meet or exceed last year's total of 26 Loozers."

When asked to comment on the low turnout, GStan said "I have nothing to say. I've sent nothing in so far. Who am I to criticize others?"

A pleasant surprise as an early entrant this year is Bill "Sizetenshoeski" Syzmonski. Bill is entering his sixth year as a participant at Golfapalooza. After the first year when he referred to all those in attendance as "inbred homos", the guys thought Bill would never return. But he has gone on to achieve near legend status over the years, along the way receiving the lifetime Sam Gash Award to encourage others to contribute to the adult materials brought every year. Bill will definitely make a contribution to this year's event. Bill was unavailable for comment; his outgoing voicemail said "I'm out looking for midget porn for GStan."