June 30, 2003

WHEELING, WV — As Albert Pujols of the St. Louis Cardinals vies for the 2003 NL Triple Crown, Waterloo, IL's Brent Kaniecki has stated his intentions to compete for the Golfapalooza Triple Crown, which may even be harder to obtain than what Pujols is pursuing. Brent believes he has a realistic shot at winning the Melc Cup, the Most Improved Award and the Squib Award.

At an afternoon press conference, Kaniecki stated his qualifications. "As a Golfapalooza lifer, I've got the most experience of any Loozer in the group. That alone puts me ahead of 80% of the field. Second, I stunk last year. My game had sunk to depths not seen since since Jack was still in diapers. I can only improve from last year. Lastly, as I am the most recent winner of the Squib Award, I have committed to defending my title. My neighbors think my cars are in my driveway because I'm doing woodwork in my garage. What they heard me doing was building a replica of the ping-pong table my brother brings to Golfapalooza every year. I have been working on my beer pong game for weeks; I'm taking that much more seriously than my golf game right now. Winning the beer pong tournament will take me a long way in defending my Squib title."

Brent's brother and Golfapalooza founder GStan spoke after Brent. "I've never been prouder of Brent than I am right now. To hear him set such lofty goals almost inspires me to set similar goals. However, I know Brent can kick my ass in beer pong so I'm not going to bother with it."

86 days remain until Golfapalooza VII. It doesn't matter if you haven't registered yet; what matters matters!