September 10, 2003

WHEELING, WV — Al "Grandpa" Marshall and James "Baby Huey" Barker have signed for Golfapalooza VII at Alpine Lake.  Making the announcement via FoxSports Video-conference was Founding Father Brent Kaniecki.  "I have played countless rounds of golf with both of these guys and am confident both will contribute in very diverse ways to the weekend.  Expect James to fully enjoy every vice offered from the speed quarters and gambling to the beer pong and porn.  Al will probably be the first Loozer to actually use the driving range before a tee-off.  Expect Al to have his bottom jaw to the floor after witnessing the most ruthless, tasteless, sinful acts ever committed by mankind.  He will also spend the entire weekend complaining about everything from the weather, the concrete bunkers, lack of non-alcoholic beverages on the golf course to how unfair the scoring system is after I dominate the 2003 MELC Championship.  Don't expect him to spend a lot of time in the pron room - no he's not gay, he's just really, really old."

NOTE TO ALL LOOZERS - If you are in a foursome with Al please keep a watchful eye.  During a "blowup, hole", which he will undoubtedly have several a round, he tends to "forget" some of his 30 yard duffs in the fairway.  He just needs some reminding sometimes.  He is the only person I have ever met who can take seven of the ugliest golf swings on one hole and still be putting for par.