September 17, 2003

WHEELING, WV — Next week's Golfapalooza VII has stirred a fury off-shore gambling activity and the FBI is considering having the event sanctioned.

Here is what we know so far - Boland is willing to bet $100 that he will win the two-man scramble if he has a partner who can putt.  Dieterle, Spanky and Blackbush are also willing to throw in $100 that Pat doesn't win.  Boland is also willing to bet Spanky that he will beat him by more than 20 strokes for the weekend.  He will also spot him two points in beer pong.

Testicleless Elvis is willing to bet some of his money, McFarland's money and Hamburgler's money that he can finish higher in the MELC standings than Patch.  GStan is willing to bet on his beloved brother.

Todd is willing to bet that he can drink more beer than McFarland during the practice round.  Based on Todd's previous gambling performances, it's strongly encouraged that he keep the $$ amounts to less than $5.

GStan is willing to bet $20 that he and Butter will beat Spanky and Todd in Beer Pong.  Spanky is willing to bet anybody, any amount of money that he and Todd cannot be beat in Beer Pong by anybody.

McFarland is willing to bet that the sky is not Blue, Oswald acted alone and that it won't rain at GVII.

As you can see, there will be a lot of money changing hands next week, mostly McFarland's.  People will be getting pissed on and pissed off.....stay tuned.